[ he's never been one attached to his family, at least. they wrote him off as a troublesome boy and Hijikata always felt more at peace with himself on the road, away from them and not being a bothersome presence. though, at least, Kondou and Souji treated him like brothers- like family. Even so, Hijikata mostly ever connected to people as the demon vice-commander, and never on a personal level of Hijikata himself, so there's still this type of wall between him and a lot of people. like, for example, there's no way he would even let Kondou see him be this pathetic, despite how much love and appreciation he has for that man.
that didn't stop his appreciation and care for everyone though. at least the Shinsengumi gave him some type of home he didn't feel like he had to run away from because he was a burden, it was something he - with the help of Kondou - could make great with his own effort and power.
he doesn't want to lose that. but here - he feels so utterly lost, and he doesn't really have no where to go to ask for help. not like he would probably do that in the first place because he's stupidly stubborn, but... at least, there's a part of him that wants to cling onto some type of hope - maybe someone will return to him soon and he can feel at ease. ]
Here.
[ first, he should probably get Kanesada out of his shoulder, huh. but after that he sets the sword down, and mutters his apology. ] Sorry about that.
[ he hesitates at first, it's not really a gesture he's done in a long time. as the demon vice-commander he's never really connected to people on a deep, personal level so he just... doesn't... he might expect a recoil from all the tension from earlier, but he still pulls Tsurumaru into a tight hug. he wraps his free arm around his back, and well... that's it. he doesn't really say much yet and only lets out a small sigh- the shakiness still lingers as he tries to hold back some rare tears that sting the corners of his eyes. ]
This feels better, doesn't it... because, well... I think... When you're lonely, the one thing you want to do is hold someone physically, and feel their warmth. I'm a pretty cold person, so I don't know if you'll feel much but... [ another sigh as he clenches his hand around a clutch of fabric. he talks as if there's a lump in his throat, but he definitely means what he does mean. while he still struggles with saying the things that are truly on his mind, he can show them through gestures at least. ]
Being alone, it's definitely a cold thing... So you just want to feel someone's else warmth- like a fire pit, almost. [ even though those things are bound to be doused someday, it still helps. ]
what title!!! :)
that didn't stop his appreciation and care for everyone though. at least the Shinsengumi gave him some type of home he didn't feel like he had to run away from because he was a burden, it was something he - with the help of Kondou - could make great with his own effort and power.
he doesn't want to lose that. but here - he feels so utterly lost, and he doesn't really have no where to go to ask for help. not like he would probably do that in the first place because he's stupidly stubborn, but... at least, there's a part of him that wants to cling onto some type of hope - maybe someone will return to him soon and he can feel at ease. ]
Here.
[ first, he should probably get Kanesada out of his shoulder, huh. but after that he sets the sword down, and mutters his apology. ] Sorry about that.
[ he hesitates at first, it's not really a gesture he's done in a long time. as the demon vice-commander he's never really connected to people on a deep, personal level so he just... doesn't... he might expect a recoil from all the tension from earlier, but he still pulls Tsurumaru into a tight hug. he wraps his free arm around his back, and well... that's it. he doesn't really say much yet and only lets out a small sigh- the shakiness still lingers as he tries to hold back some rare tears that sting the corners of his eyes. ]
This feels better, doesn't it... because, well... I think... When you're lonely, the one thing you want to do is hold someone physically, and feel their warmth. I'm a pretty cold person, so I don't know if you'll feel much but... [ another sigh as he clenches his hand around a clutch of fabric. he talks as if there's a lump in his throat, but he definitely means what he does mean. while he still struggles with saying the things that are truly on his mind, he can show them through gestures at least. ]
Being alone, it's definitely a cold thing... So you just want to feel someone's else warmth- like a fire pit, almost. [ even though those things are bound to be doused someday, it still helps. ]