[ you know, he was kind of wondering when hijikata would notice that... it's okay, though! tsurumaru's walked around with one arm chopped off before, like nothing was wrong... he's strong, so a sword wedged into his shoulder and left there for a bit doesn't bother him too much?? pulling the blade out might have resulted in him bleeding onto hijikata's kimono, though, but that's why we have modern technology... washers and dryers.

at first, there's an immediate surge of panic through him, as he tenses up at being grabbed — but one second passes, and then two, and seeing that he hasn't been horrifically dragged off and kidnapped, he slowly relaxes his shoulders, sinking into what he assumes to be a hug. the truth is, tsurumaru is used to holding people without them returning the gesture — no matter in which world, dead people can't hug you back, right?

so it's why he finds himself so profoundly surprised, at how warm that he feels, at how alive he feels, and in turn, he throws his arms around hijikata's neck, holding on as tightly as he can, and ah... well, tsurumaru has better things to think about than how much his shoulder wound throbs, because that's nothing, when someone is holding him and they're alive and he's so overwhelmed with relief that he doesn't even know where to start.

but he starts by, unlike hijikata, bursting into tears openly, his cries reverberating in the mirror-lined room, but he's pulled him close enough to where he can't probably see him do so — just hear, because it's true — when you're lonely, you don't just want to hold onto someone; you want to feel their warmth, their blood flowing through their veins, proof that they're still alive.

when he catches his breath again, his voice comes out somewhat muffled, face buried against hijikata's shoulder. ]

You're warm. You're so warm. You're alive.

[ he inhales — ends up hiccuping, by accident, but it's fine, everything is fine now, and he doesn't remember the last time in the past eight centuries that he's ever felt so light-hearted. he continues on in a whisper, and while he does his best to keep his voice from trembling, he doesn't quite manage. ]

Stay with me, like this — it's been so long since I've held someone important to me that wasn't dead.

[ are fires this warm? tsurumaru isn't one of the swords that have perished in flames, but if a fire pit is as warm as this, he thinks that he likes fire pits. ]

Hijikata... I didn't mean what I said earlier. I'm sorry for saying it — I don't want you to die.

I want you to live, so that I can feel this again.