[ well, better than some random stranger. Hijikata rubs the back of his head with a sigh. alright, he should probably focus on the problem at hand rather than get distracted especially since Saitou is here too, huh? ]
Ah, right...
[ he glances back at the images that reflect on the mirrors again- getting another look of whoever shows, whether it was Kondou, Souji, or even his own Saitou. he really forgot how much he missed being at home; rather than feeling that same sense of accomplishment and pride from that time, he remembers how alone he is here instead.
but- okay... focus. ]
I was wondering when I was going to bump into you. [ he glances back at Saitou. ] Do you know where we are?
[ he nods. ] It's really hard to figure out what happened to them when they just disappear, huh... Sometimes you can only presume the worst, or hope they're alive somewhere.
[ but: if they end up dying out of your sight, you wouldn't ever know. which is basically why he has a problem when people just disappear, like Souji. there's no way he can write him off as dead but even so... he doesn't know where he went. Hijikata glances at the altar one more time, trying to find any kind of hint, some small piece of hope- but nothing. ]
I wonder... What could this mean though. There has to be a reason why we were suddenly brought down here. Unless it was an accident.
[ looks like... Hijikata will let Namazuo lead for now. even though he usually takes the leadership role! but it at least seems he knows where he's going? well, going up is probably the obvious way to go. ]
Hm.. It looks like I fell from up there.
[ at least... he thinks so? he fell down, okay. so of course they should go up. easy! buuut it looks like he can see some light! ]
Although... A part of me is wondering if bringing us down here was an accident, or on purpose. [ mostly because he never knew this stuff was here in the first place. ]
[Hijikata is more than welcome to take the lead if he wants! But Namazuo has sharp eyesight in the dark, and he also wasn't the one who fell on his butt down a hole, so... maybe it's better if you just focus on your feet, hijiwan.]
Do you think they intended to do something to us down here?
[ a part of him wanted to deny it; the parts of himself that he kept hidden under that mask that people call the Demon Vice-Commander. he averts his gaze and grits his teeth, remembering those days. where some things finally reached the breaking point and that same mask shattered. he really just wanted to dismiss it all with a simple no, he's not capable of such emotions, yet no words came out. ]
Hm... Yeah..
[ even if he did deny anything, he'd probably be wasting his breath. he can't hide anything the mirror shows anyway. ]
It's pretty pathetic, isn't it. The Demon Vice-Commander seeing that, he wouldn't be proud of that.
[ because if he doesn't keep the heart he has hardened for the sake of the Shinsengumi - for Kondou - in any situation he can't protect the people he loves, right. if he collapses under any situation then there's no point.
he can only stare at the intertwining fingers. he doesn't know what else to really say. he's completely drained that even the throbbing pain in his leg is starting to numb. it's a small gesture, but even so he can at least admit to himself that it's still comforting. ]
Even then... It was something I wanted to hear. But still... I couldn't just brush it off like it's nothing... Losing things we considered our most treasured- ... It really makes you feel alone, doesn't it?
[ he truly wanted to emphasize because he does know what it's like. losing everything, feeling utterly alone and lost. it's the thing Hijikata had feared all his time. the Shinsengumi was something he held close to his heart, and didn't treat him like some unnecessary burden. it was definitely a place he could call home and family - but without that... he would have absolutely nothing.
he glances back at their hands, then up. he looks back down and only mutters a small request: ] Hey, can you come closer? For a moment.
[ immediately, he gives a quiet shake of his head, because it's not pathetic at all; it's hijikata's own pain, his suffering, his moments of anguish and sorrow and therefore, there can be nothing pathetic about it. he refuses to let hijikata continue saying that it's pathetic.
but he sees hijikata give their hands a look, and to be honest... tsurumaru doesn't know if it works, actually — when it comes to giving comfort, despite how surprisingly thoughtful as he can be with his spoken words, he doesn't know much about gestures, about actions, so he just hopes that he isn't completely off-the-mark.
a pause, and... well, hijikata doesn't seem to be complaining. he hopes that it's fine. ]
It does, more than anything. Loving something, or someone, and then wondering if you're loving them too much, if you're too attached to them — to the point where you wouldn't know how to live without them.
But they disappear anyway, and life goes on — no matter how lonely you are, right? You have to figure out how to live without them, even if you weren't ready to, and I think... it's something we know very well.
[ while he knows that hijikata won't understand the scope of an endless existence — to humans, seventy years is all they have, if they're lucky, and as far as tsurumaru knows, most samurai are never that lucky. though, the request is a peculiar one, and it has him tilting his head to the side. ]
Why?
[ but even if he doesn't answer, tsurumaru still does as hijikata asks, carefully kneeling down in front of him — and he shifts his weight, leaning as closely as he can. ]
[ he's never been one attached to his family, at least. they wrote him off as a troublesome boy and Hijikata always felt more at peace with himself on the road, away from them and not being a bothersome presence. though, at least, Kondou and Souji treated him like brothers- like family. Even so, Hijikata mostly ever connected to people as the demon vice-commander, and never on a personal level of Hijikata himself, so there's still this type of wall between him and a lot of people. like, for example, there's no way he would even let Kondou see him be this pathetic, despite how much love and appreciation he has for that man.
that didn't stop his appreciation and care for everyone though. at least the Shinsengumi gave him some type of home he didn't feel like he had to run away from because he was a burden, it was something he - with the help of Kondou - could make great with his own effort and power.
he doesn't want to lose that. but here - he feels so utterly lost, and he doesn't really have no where to go to ask for help. not like he would probably do that in the first place because he's stupidly stubborn, but... at least, there's a part of him that wants to cling onto some type of hope - maybe someone will return to him soon and he can feel at ease. ]
Here.
[ first, he should probably get Kanesada out of his shoulder, huh. but after that he sets the sword down, and mutters his apology. ] Sorry about that.
[ he hesitates at first, it's not really a gesture he's done in a long time. as the demon vice-commander he's never really connected to people on a deep, personal level so he just... doesn't... he might expect a recoil from all the tension from earlier, but he still pulls Tsurumaru into a tight hug. he wraps his free arm around his back, and well... that's it. he doesn't really say much yet and only lets out a small sigh- the shakiness still lingers as he tries to hold back some rare tears that sting the corners of his eyes. ]
This feels better, doesn't it... because, well... I think... When you're lonely, the one thing you want to do is hold someone physically, and feel their warmth. I'm a pretty cold person, so I don't know if you'll feel much but... [ another sigh as he clenches his hand around a clutch of fabric. he talks as if there's a lump in his throat, but he definitely means what he does mean. while he still struggles with saying the things that are truly on his mind, he can show them through gestures at least. ]
Being alone, it's definitely a cold thing... So you just want to feel someone's else warmth- like a fire pit, almost. [ even though those things are bound to be doused someday, it still helps. ]
[ you know, he was kind of wondering when hijikata would notice that... it's okay, though! tsurumaru's walked around with one arm chopped off before, like nothing was wrong... he's strong, so a sword wedged into his shoulder and left there for a bit doesn't bother him too much?? pulling the blade out might have resulted in him bleeding onto hijikata's kimono, though, but that's why we have modern technology... washers and dryers.
at first, there's an immediate surge of panic through him, as he tenses up at being grabbed — but one second passes, and then two, and seeing that he hasn't been horrifically dragged off and kidnapped, he slowly relaxes his shoulders, sinking into what he assumes to be a hug. the truth is, tsurumaru is used to holding people without them returning the gesture — no matter in which world, dead people can't hug you back, right?
so it's why he finds himself so profoundly surprised, at how warm that he feels, at how alive he feels, and in turn, he throws his arms around hijikata's neck, holding on as tightly as he can, and ah... well, tsurumaru has better things to think about than how much his shoulder wound throbs, because that's nothing, when someone is holding him and they're alive and he's so overwhelmed with relief that he doesn't even know where to start.
but he starts by, unlike hijikata, bursting into tears openly, his cries reverberating in the mirror-lined room, but he's pulled him close enough to where he can't probably see him do so — just hear, because it's true — when you're lonely, you don't just want to hold onto someone; you want to feel their warmth, their blood flowing through their veins, proof that they're still alive.
when he catches his breath again, his voice comes out somewhat muffled, face buried against hijikata's shoulder. ]
You're warm. You're so warm. You're alive.
[ he inhales — ends up hiccuping, by accident, but it's fine, everything is fine now, and he doesn't remember the last time in the past eight centuries that he's ever felt so light-hearted. he continues on in a whisper, and while he does his best to keep his voice from trembling, he doesn't quite manage. ]
Stay with me, like this — it's been so long since I've held someone important to me that wasn't dead.
[ are fires this warm? tsurumaru isn't one of the swords that have perished in flames, but if a fire pit is as warm as this, he thinks that he likes fire pits. ]
Hijikata... I didn't mean what I said earlier. I'm sorry for saying it — I don't want you to die.
I want you to live, so that I can feel this again.
[ honestly, blood on his kimono is his least worry! besides, as a samurai that has killed many people before it kind of doesn't phase you anyway?
yet hearing him cry just made Hijikata feel a sudden wave of relief, strangely enough. seeing that pained, angry face earlier with tears stinging at the corners of his eyes- Hijikata just knew. it's always better to get it out with tears rather than fits of rage? he knows this too well.
but now, he'll sit there in silence and hold him- waiting patiently as he gets it all out, listening to him and nodding every so often. there's a small smile - not that Tsurumaru can see - although it was more like a challenging smirk, in a sense. ]
Didn't I already tell you? I can't die. Even if you tried to kill me, I'll probably fight death itself if I have to.
[ though it's strange... for many years so far, he's told himself that he would die for the Shinsengumi. he'd be happy with it too because the Shinsengumi is his entire life. he's always looked ahead, preparing for the worst and knowing as his life as a samurai he's also prepared for a violent death.
well, it looks like he can't just give up and he has to keep pushing forward, huh?
it's the least he can do. meanwhile, he can also wait for any of his comrades to show up too- it might take awhile, he might even feel the same waves of loneliness over and over, but it's just the only thing he can do, right? wait, and wait... clinging onto the last shards of hope.
but that's it. he's just stupidly stubborn, isn't he! even as before, no matter how Tsurumaru tried to talk it into him, Hijikata wasn't even once tempted by death. ]
It takes quite a lot to kill me, really.
So... You don't have to worry, alright? [ he talks in a soft whisper, just so only he can hear it- words that would hopefully reassure and comfort him. there's a pause and he sort of just... rubs Tsurumaru's back here. maybe in a sense when you try to calm down a child (look, he's surprisingly good at dealing with kids... he knows these gestures). ] Let's get out of here so we can take care of that wound of your's, okay.
[ it's comforting, to know that he isn't alone — that at the very least, they can be alone together, and two alone people being together is far less lonely than being alone on your own. tsurumaru is close enough to where he can feel hijikata's movements when he nods, and he likes that — that the body that he's pressed against him is, for once, giving him every sign that it's still alive.
but wow!! two can play at this game of stubbornness, this is why tsurumaru practices extra hard at being a five-year-old everyday. so as hijikata continues to claim that death won't come for him, tsurumaru will continue to refuse to believe that — because to him, it's ridiculous. humans can't just claim that they won't die? either way, though... he knows that he's found an interesting human — and he certainly doesn't want to let him go.
maybe it's hijikata's magic skill at calming children, but that does manage to wind him down, slowly — he takes deep breaths, until he stops hiccuping every time he breathes. ]
I won't believe you.
[ before anything else, he lifts his head and pulls away just a bit, enough to put his hands on hijikata's shoulders and to look him in the eye, and his cheeks are red and he does look as if he's just cried a whole lot... but still, he smiles. ]
And because I won't, I'll have to stay by your side forever, to make sure that you don't die. That is, if you'll let me.
[ at this rate, even if hijikata tries to get rid of him, he'll be like a cat clinging to its favorite resting spot. but he is kind of getting self-conscious about his expression, though, so he briefly dips his head to wipe at his face, until there are less tears everywhere and until he thinks he looks far more presentable.
and then regretfully, he untangles the rest of his limbs from hijikata's, rising steadily to his feet, before offering him an outstretched hand. ]
Shouldn't we worry about yours, first? I can be fixed with resources, and unlike you, I can walk just fine.
*adjust cowboy hat* *spits* *saunters away while gripping belt buckle*
[ ah, geez. should Hijikata be offended that Tsurumaru doesn't believe him? maybe just a bit, because he's very serious about his words! it almost feels like he's the one being babysitted, almost. he lifts his shoulders to shrug. ]
Do what you like.
[ sure, he's still probably going to be the same old grump that is practically glued to his desk everyday doing paperwork. but he isn't the type of guy that pushes people away, well, the ones he finds important to some extent especially.
although, seeing the outstretched hand... he feels a bit stubborn at this! besides, leave it to Hijikata to worry about other people instead of himself (like a worry-some mother, really). habit of looking over a ton of troops, probably. instead of immediately grabbing for it he first has to pick up his own sword and sheathe it- there's no way he would forget about it. then he takes the entire sword out of his cloth-like belt. ]
It's fine... This injury is nothing.
[ he plants the tip of Kanesada's sheathe into the ground and attempts to use it as a way to hoist himself up!
... But he is clearly struggle though, he's obviously tired from the previous events so there's not much strength left in him... his arms are shaking, and so are his legs. even his breath seems to get a bit strained at this forced effort.
yeah, Tsuru you might need to help him. ]
are you gripping your belt that now doesn't have KANESAN
[ he doesn't expect a definite answer — in fact, he hadn't expected anything that sounds better than that, because he knows that hijikata is a difficult, difficult person that isn't open with his feelings at all, but it's okay..... tsuru is here to bother him and to slide all of his papers off of his desk and be tea!!!!
he also doesn't expect hijikata to take his hand, either, but he really hadn't seen the events after that coming — he expected him to struggle, but for him to actually stab the ground with the sheath of kanesada, and to try to use him as some kind of cane... this is sword mistreatment! tsurumaru is not having this!!
immediately, he moves to holds hijikata up, prying kanesada out of his hand and messily slinging him (him? it?) on his own belt, next to his own blade. and given that tsurumaru's clothes probably weigh half of his spirit form in the first place, tacking on a kanesada isn't too heavy at all. ]
Somewhere out there, Izuminokami Kanesada is crying.
[ — spoken as sarcastically as possible. hijikata will get kanesada back when he learns how to use him properly. (in reality, tsurumaru will probably give him back once he makes sure that hijikata gets some kind of treatment for his leg.) but now with kanesada put away, tsurumaru readjusts, to prop hijikata up more efficiently and less awkwardly, so that hijikata can walk, while leaning on him if he has to.
but he does look worn out... humans do have limited energy reserves, after all. ]
Do you want me to carry you, like a princess?
[ he's teasing, though!!! it's in his tone!! the sad truth is, tsurumaru is a stick and if he tried to carry hijikata, he'd drop him in .5 seconds. ]
[ now the look in Hijikata's face is very surprised and very offended. his sword! his kanesada! but at least Tsurumaru didn't just leave him to fall because he honestly would've? and Hijikata can only let out a really stubborn huff! he doesn't like the feeling of being cared over and helped. mostly because it makes him feel pretty useless, but it looks like he has no choice, huh... he was completely prepared to somehow drag himself around the best his can using Kanesada as some sort of makeshift cane (it's a sturdy sheathe though! it'd be fine!), but looks like he'll have to deal with Tsurumaru being his support for now.
well, that expression on his face doesn't last one. every time his face makes a different expression it just returns to that same very drained one from before. it's the face of a man that can really use a nap, honestly. he feels as if he closes his eyes he'll fall asleep? but..! he'll stay strong. ]
What? Hell no.
[ he can't help but stare at him in disbelief at that question too, while trying to readjust himself to lean on Tsurumaru in a way where he can still mostly feel like he's still walking on his own. ]
You probably can't even carry me... ... [ that was a general 'you look like you can't carry a grown 32 year old man' kind of statement, but also his shoulder is injured... which brings up a previous concern. ] You should at least let me bandage your shoulder real quick before it gets worse.
[ once again, worrying about Tsurumaru more than himself... and it seems like the whole 'resources' thing Tsurumaru can use flew over his head? oops. though, he could probably make a pretty easy makeshift bandage with his kimono... he's from a family that sells medicine, so making some bandage and wrapping it properly is the least he can do, really. ]
[ listen... had hijikata been a stranger, tsurumaru would have totally left him to fall. but he isn't a stranger, and he isn't even just an Acquaintance, either — he's really important, so tsurumaru will do everything in his power to make sure that he doesn't make himself look like a loser by falling!! how will he enter mikazuki's and tsurumaru's room then!! no losers allowed!
alas, it already seems as if hijikata knows the sad truth about how he probably can't princess carry anyone in the first place. his spirit form looks to only be about twenty, anyway, and he's not even of the bulkier swords; beneath his many, many layers of white clothing, it's painfully obvious, how his skin is practically splayed across his bones. hijikata's flat refusal makes tsurumaru laugh, though, because that was #stone cold.
he's used to being semi-worried about, whenever he comes back from battles in tatters, until the repair bath has become his second home. but he isn't used to being worried about just because, when there are no battles to be fought here, and therefore, his well-being should be less of a concern, and his wounded shoulder shouldn't be a problem, but...
it's why he stumbles over his words, just a bit. ]
Wh— I just said that you don't have to... I've seen worse, really!
[ despite how tsurumaru tries to dissuade him, he figures that it's respectful to accept the gesture anyway, so he peels off his jacket (or as far back as he can, with his unwounded arm). ]
[ Hijikata dismisses the 'I've seen worse' by literally not saying anything. so first he at least tries to examine the wound, although it's one he made himself so... not as deep, but then he sees the stray marks of where Hijikata tried to push the blade towards his chest area. well, thankfully it didn't get to anywhere close to the chest where it'd be pretty fatal, so there's an audible sigh of relief.
of course, he can't really do this standing up and against Tsurumaru. so, with that, he slowly lowers himself down to the ground again, holding onto whatever parts of Tsurumaru's clothes as he can before he's on the ground again. a small, annoyed 'tch' leaves his lips because ugh dealing with this leg is going to be completely annoying.
but, whatever. he's going to be the worrywort he is and just, try to fix up Tsurumaru here for now so he's not bleeding everywhere. ] Get closer too.
[ so, with the aid of Horikawa- he rips a pretty good half off of his kimono sleeve. then after sheathing that blade (Tsurumaru isn't going to take this one away from him either) rips that into good, long enough straps of length to wrap around the wound... ]
Okay, here. This should do. [ wrapping the cloth around the wound a few times doesn't take too long, and he easily finishes it off with an experimental tug, then ties it. he's pretty confident in his bandaging abilities because he does it a lot! but juuust to make sure: ] Not too tight?
[ you know, he didn't actually expect hijikata to be good at this. but he'll get a bit closer, trying to make hijikata's Bandaging Endeavors just that much more easier, despite how hijikata's face still looks grumpy and rude!
and ah.... oh no.... he's ripping his own kimono into strips...... but somehow, being this fretted over is flattering — understanding that he's being fixed not because of who he is, nor to up his resale value, but because he's being cared about, and while it's a little foreign, it makes him happy. so once hijikata's finished bandaging, tsurumaru moves his arm a bit, and it doesn't hurt at all — instead, it feels taut and properly done. ]
Nope! You're better at this than I thought. You might be even better than me.
[ considering how many times he's bandaged his own injuries in the repair room, he's impressed!! though, that's enough attention on him, who can easily be fixed with resources anyway; he carefully pulls hijikata back up, re-supporting him once he manages to stand again. ]
But, come on — we're going to the hospital to fix you up too, whether you like it or not.
[ and whether hijikata agreed or not..... tsurumaru drags him there anyway....................the end!!!!!!! ]
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hijiwanwan) wrote2015-10-17 10:49 pm
//EVENT026.EXE
Saitouuu! ugh how dare tyou not resist (jk)
[ well, better than some random stranger. Hijikata rubs the back of his head with a sigh. alright, he should probably focus on the problem at hand rather than get distracted especially since Saitou is here too, huh? ]
Ah, right...
[ he glances back at the images that reflect on the mirrors again- getting another look of whoever shows, whether it was Kondou, Souji, or even his own Saitou. he really forgot how much he missed being at home; rather than feeling that same sense of accomplishment and pride from that time, he remembers how alone he is here instead.
but- okay... focus. ]
I was wondering when I was going to bump into you. [ he glances back at Saitou. ] Do you know where we are?
he's weak to fukuchous
[ He's deliberately looking away from the mirrors; he has a good idea of what he might see for himself ]
...Is everything all right? [ When is the Shinsengumi ever all right? But it seems only right to ask. ]
Kousetsu!
[ he nods. ] It's really hard to figure out what happened to them when they just disappear, huh... Sometimes you can only presume the worst, or hope they're alive somewhere.
[ but: if they end up dying out of your sight, you wouldn't ever know. which is basically why he has a problem when people just disappear, like Souji. there's no way he can write him off as dead but even so... he doesn't know where he went. Hijikata glances at the altar one more time, trying to find any kind of hint, some small piece of hope- but nothing. ]
I wonder... What could this mean though. There has to be a reason why we were suddenly brought down here. Unless it was an accident.
no subject
[ Ceres wouldn't just drop them in a place like this, would they? ] I do not know what Ceres would gain to...show us something like this.
namazuo!!
[ looks like... Hijikata will let Namazuo lead for now. even though he usually takes the leadership role! but it at least seems he knows where he's going? well, going up is probably the obvious way to go. ]
Hm.. It looks like I fell from up there.
[ at least... he thinks so? he fell down, okay. so of course they should go up. easy! buuut it looks like he can see some light! ]
Although... A part of me is wondering if bringing us down here was an accident, or on purpose. [ mostly because he never knew this stuff was here in the first place. ]
no subject
Do you think they intended to do something to us down here?
dog
[ a part of him wanted to deny it; the parts of himself that he kept hidden under that mask that people call the Demon Vice-Commander. he averts his gaze and grits his teeth, remembering those days. where some things finally reached the breaking point and that same mask shattered. he really just wanted to dismiss it all with a simple no, he's not capable of such emotions, yet no words came out. ]
Hm... Yeah..
[ even if he did deny anything, he'd probably be wasting his breath. he can't hide anything the mirror shows anyway. ]
It's pretty pathetic, isn't it. The Demon Vice-Commander seeing that, he wouldn't be proud of that.
[ because if he doesn't keep the heart he has hardened for the sake of the Shinsengumi - for Kondou - in any situation he can't protect the people he loves, right. if he collapses under any situation then there's no point.
he can only stare at the intertwining fingers. he doesn't know what else to really say. he's completely drained that even the throbbing pain in his leg is starting to numb. it's a small gesture, but even so he can at least admit to himself that it's still comforting. ]
Even then... It was something I wanted to hear. But still... I couldn't just brush it off like it's nothing... Losing things we considered our most treasured- ... It really makes you feel alone, doesn't it?
[ he truly wanted to emphasize because he does know what it's like. losing everything, feeling utterly alone and lost. it's the thing Hijikata had feared all his time. the Shinsengumi was something he held close to his heart, and didn't treat him like some unnecessary burden. it was definitely a place he could call home and family - but without that... he would have absolutely nothing.
he glances back at their hands, then up. he looks back down and only mutters a small request: ] Hey, can you come closer? For a moment.
[ look. he kind of can't move right now. ]
i can hear your title wtf
but he sees hijikata give their hands a look, and to be honest... tsurumaru doesn't know if it works, actually — when it comes to giving comfort, despite how surprisingly thoughtful as he can be with his spoken words, he doesn't know much about gestures, about actions, so he just hopes that he isn't completely off-the-mark.
a pause, and... well, hijikata doesn't seem to be complaining. he hopes that it's fine. ]
It does, more than anything. Loving something, or someone, and then wondering if you're loving them too much, if you're too attached to them — to the point where you wouldn't know how to live without them.
But they disappear anyway, and life goes on — no matter how lonely you are, right? You have to figure out how to live without them, even if you weren't ready to, and I think... it's something we know very well.
[ while he knows that hijikata won't understand the scope of an endless existence — to humans, seventy years is all they have, if they're lucky, and as far as tsurumaru knows, most samurai are never that lucky. though, the request is a peculiar one, and it has him tilting his head to the side. ]
Why?
[ but even if he doesn't answer, tsurumaru still does as hijikata asks, carefully kneeling down in front of him — and he shifts his weight, leaning as closely as he can. ]
what title!!! :)
that didn't stop his appreciation and care for everyone though. at least the Shinsengumi gave him some type of home he didn't feel like he had to run away from because he was a burden, it was something he - with the help of Kondou - could make great with his own effort and power.
he doesn't want to lose that. but here - he feels so utterly lost, and he doesn't really have no where to go to ask for help. not like he would probably do that in the first place because he's stupidly stubborn, but... at least, there's a part of him that wants to cling onto some type of hope - maybe someone will return to him soon and he can feel at ease. ]
Here.
[ first, he should probably get Kanesada out of his shoulder, huh. but after that he sets the sword down, and mutters his apology. ] Sorry about that.
[ he hesitates at first, it's not really a gesture he's done in a long time. as the demon vice-commander he's never really connected to people on a deep, personal level so he just... doesn't... he might expect a recoil from all the tension from earlier, but he still pulls Tsurumaru into a tight hug. he wraps his free arm around his back, and well... that's it. he doesn't really say much yet and only lets out a small sigh- the shakiness still lingers as he tries to hold back some rare tears that sting the corners of his eyes. ]
This feels better, doesn't it... because, well... I think... When you're lonely, the one thing you want to do is hold someone physically, and feel their warmth. I'm a pretty cold person, so I don't know if you'll feel much but... [ another sigh as he clenches his hand around a clutch of fabric. he talks as if there's a lump in his throat, but he definitely means what he does mean. while he still struggles with saying the things that are truly on his mind, he can show them through gestures at least. ]
Being alone, it's definitely a cold thing... So you just want to feel someone's else warmth- like a fire pit, almost. [ even though those things are bound to be doused someday, it still helps. ]
kicks ur ass >:(
at first, there's an immediate surge of panic through him, as he tenses up at being grabbed — but one second passes, and then two, and seeing that he hasn't been horrifically dragged off and kidnapped, he slowly relaxes his shoulders, sinking into what he assumes to be a hug. the truth is, tsurumaru is used to holding people without them returning the gesture — no matter in which world, dead people can't hug you back, right?
so it's why he finds himself so profoundly surprised, at how warm that he feels, at how alive he feels, and in turn, he throws his arms around hijikata's neck, holding on as tightly as he can, and ah... well, tsurumaru has better things to think about than how much his shoulder wound throbs, because that's nothing, when someone is holding him and they're alive and he's so overwhelmed with relief that he doesn't even know where to start.
but he starts by, unlike hijikata, bursting into tears openly, his cries reverberating in the mirror-lined room, but he's pulled him close enough to where he can't probably see him do so — just hear, because it's true — when you're lonely, you don't just want to hold onto someone; you want to feel their warmth, their blood flowing through their veins, proof that they're still alive.
when he catches his breath again, his voice comes out somewhat muffled, face buried against hijikata's shoulder. ]
You're warm. You're so warm. You're alive.
[ he inhales — ends up hiccuping, by accident, but it's fine, everything is fine now, and he doesn't remember the last time in the past eight centuries that he's ever felt so light-hearted. he continues on in a whisper, and while he does his best to keep his voice from trembling, he doesn't quite manage. ]
Stay with me, like this — it's been so long since I've held someone important to me that wasn't dead.
[ are fires this warm? tsurumaru isn't one of the swords that have perished in flames, but if a fire pit is as warm as this, he thinks that he likes fire pits. ]
Hijikata... I didn't mean what I said earlier. I'm sorry for saying it — I don't want you to die.
I want you to live, so that I can feel this again.
JUST RELAX!
yet hearing him cry just made Hijikata feel a sudden wave of relief, strangely enough. seeing that pained, angry face earlier with tears stinging at the corners of his eyes- Hijikata just knew. it's always better to get it out with tears rather than fits of rage? he knows this too well.
but now, he'll sit there in silence and hold him- waiting patiently as he gets it all out, listening to him and nodding every so often. there's a small smile - not that Tsurumaru can see - although it was more like a challenging smirk, in a sense. ]
Didn't I already tell you? I can't die. Even if you tried to kill me, I'll probably fight death itself if I have to.
[ though it's strange... for many years so far, he's told himself that he would die for the Shinsengumi. he'd be happy with it too because the Shinsengumi is his entire life. he's always looked ahead, preparing for the worst and knowing as his life as a samurai he's also prepared for a violent death.
well, it looks like he can't just give up and he has to keep pushing forward, huh?
it's the least he can do. meanwhile, he can also wait for any of his comrades to show up too- it might take awhile, he might even feel the same waves of loneliness over and over, but it's just the only thing he can do, right? wait, and wait... clinging onto the last shards of hope.
but that's it. he's just stupidly stubborn, isn't he! even as before, no matter how Tsurumaru tried to talk it into him, Hijikata wasn't even once tempted by death. ]
It takes quite a lot to kill me, really.
So... You don't have to worry, alright? [ he talks in a soft whisper, just so only he can hear it- words that would hopefully reassure and comfort him. there's a pause and he sort of just... rubs Tsurumaru's back here. maybe in a sense when you try to calm down a child (look, he's surprisingly good at dealing with kids... he knows these gestures). ] Let's get out of here so we can take care of that wound of your's, okay.
NO!!!! YOU JUST RELAX COWBOY
but wow!! two can play at this game of stubbornness, this is why tsurumaru practices extra hard at being a five-year-old everyday. so as hijikata continues to claim that death won't come for him, tsurumaru will continue to refuse to believe that — because to him, it's ridiculous. humans can't just claim that they won't die? either way, though... he knows that he's found an interesting human — and he certainly doesn't want to let him go.
maybe it's hijikata's magic skill at calming children, but that does manage to wind him down, slowly — he takes deep breaths, until he stops hiccuping every time he breathes. ]
I won't believe you.
[ before anything else, he lifts his head and pulls away just a bit, enough to put his hands on hijikata's shoulders and to look him in the eye, and his cheeks are red and he does look as if he's just cried a whole lot... but still, he smiles. ]
And because I won't, I'll have to stay by your side forever, to make sure that you don't die. That is, if you'll let me.
[ at this rate, even if hijikata tries to get rid of him, he'll be like a cat clinging to its favorite resting spot. but he is kind of getting self-conscious about his expression, though, so he briefly dips his head to wipe at his face, until there are less tears everywhere and until he thinks he looks far more presentable.
and then regretfully, he untangles the rest of his limbs from hijikata's, rising steadily to his feet, before offering him an outstretched hand. ]
Shouldn't we worry about yours, first? I can be fixed with resources, and unlike you, I can walk just fine.
*adjust cowboy hat* *spits* *saunters away while gripping belt buckle*
Do what you like.
[ sure, he's still probably going to be the same old grump that is practically glued to his desk everyday doing paperwork. but he isn't the type of guy that pushes people away, well, the ones he finds important to some extent especially.
although, seeing the outstretched hand... he feels a bit stubborn at this! besides, leave it to Hijikata to worry about other people instead of himself (like a worry-some mother, really). habit of looking over a ton of troops, probably. instead of immediately grabbing for it he first has to pick up his own sword and sheathe it- there's no way he would forget about it. then he takes the entire sword out of his cloth-like belt. ]
It's fine... This injury is nothing.
[ he plants the tip of Kanesada's sheathe into the ground and attempts to use it as a way to hoist himself up!
... But he is clearly struggle though, he's obviously tired from the previous events so there's not much strength left in him... his arms are shaking, and so are his legs. even his breath seems to get a bit strained at this forced effort.
yeah, Tsuru you might need to help him. ]
are you gripping your belt that now doesn't have KANESAN
he also doesn't expect hijikata to take his hand, either, but he really hadn't seen the events after that coming — he expected him to struggle, but for him to actually stab the ground with the sheath of kanesada, and to try to use him as some kind of cane... this is sword mistreatment! tsurumaru is not having this!!
immediately, he moves to holds hijikata up, prying kanesada out of his hand and messily slinging him (him? it?) on his own belt, next to his own blade. and given that tsurumaru's clothes probably weigh half of his spirit form in the first place, tacking on a kanesada isn't too heavy at all. ]
Somewhere out there, Izuminokami Kanesada is crying.
[ — spoken as sarcastically as possible. hijikata will get kanesada back when he learns how to use him properly. (in reality, tsurumaru will probably give him back once he makes sure that hijikata gets some kind of treatment for his leg.) but now with kanesada put away, tsurumaru readjusts, to prop hijikata up more efficiently and less awkwardly, so that hijikata can walk, while leaning on him if he has to.
but he does look worn out... humans do have limited energy reserves, after all. ]
Do you want me to carry you, like a princess?
[ he's teasing, though!!! it's in his tone!! the sad truth is, tsurumaru is a stick and if he tried to carry hijikata, he'd drop him in .5 seconds. ]
GIVE HIM BACK
well, that expression on his face doesn't last one. every time his face makes a different expression it just returns to that same very drained one from before. it's the face of a man that can really use a nap, honestly. he feels as if he closes his eyes he'll fall asleep? but..! he'll stay strong. ]
What? Hell no.
[ he can't help but stare at him in disbelief at that question too, while trying to readjust himself to lean on Tsurumaru in a way where he can still mostly feel like he's still walking on his own. ]
You probably can't even carry me... ... [ that was a general 'you look like you can't carry a grown 32 year old man' kind of statement, but also his shoulder is injured... which brings up a previous concern. ] You should at least let me bandage your shoulder real quick before it gets worse.
[ once again, worrying about Tsurumaru more than himself... and it seems like the whole 'resources' thing Tsurumaru can use flew over his head? oops. though, he could probably make a pretty easy makeshift bandage with his kimono... he's from a family that sells medicine, so making some bandage and wrapping it properly is the least he can do, really. ]
WHEN YOU LEARN HOW TO USE HIM PROPERLY
alas, it already seems as if hijikata knows the sad truth about how he probably can't princess carry anyone in the first place. his spirit form looks to only be about twenty, anyway, and he's not even of the bulkier swords; beneath his many, many layers of white clothing, it's painfully obvious, how his skin is practically splayed across his bones. hijikata's flat refusal makes tsurumaru laugh, though, because that was #stone cold.
he's used to being semi-worried about, whenever he comes back from battles in tatters, until the repair bath has become his second home. but he isn't used to being worried about just because, when there are no battles to be fought here, and therefore, his well-being should be less of a concern, and his wounded shoulder shouldn't be a problem, but...
it's why he stumbles over his words, just a bit. ]
Wh— I just said that you don't have to... I've seen worse, really!
[ despite how tsurumaru tries to dissuade him, he figures that it's respectful to accept the gesture anyway, so he peels off his jacket (or as far back as he can, with his unwounded arm). ]
BUT I DO >:(
of course, he can't really do this standing up and against Tsurumaru. so, with that, he slowly lowers himself down to the ground again, holding onto whatever parts of Tsurumaru's clothes as he can before he's on the ground again. a small, annoyed 'tch' leaves his lips because ugh dealing with this leg is going to be completely annoying.
but, whatever. he's going to be the worrywort he is and just, try to fix up Tsurumaru here for now so he's not bleeding everywhere. ] Get closer too.
[ so, with the aid of Horikawa- he rips a pretty good half off of his kimono sleeve. then after sheathing that blade (Tsurumaru isn't going to take this one away from him either) rips that into good, long enough straps of length to wrap around the wound... ]
Okay, here. This should do. [ wrapping the cloth around the wound a few times doesn't take too long, and he easily finishes it off with an experimental tug, then ties it. he's pretty confident in his bandaging abilities because he does it a lot! but juuust to make sure: ] Not too tight?
NO YOU DONT :/
and ah.... oh no.... he's ripping his own kimono into strips...... but somehow, being this fretted over is flattering — understanding that he's being fixed not because of who he is, nor to up his resale value, but because he's being cared about, and while it's a little foreign, it makes him happy. so once hijikata's finished bandaging, tsurumaru moves his arm a bit, and it doesn't hurt at all — instead, it feels taut and properly done. ]
Nope! You're better at this than I thought. You might be even better than me.
[ considering how many times he's bandaged his own injuries in the repair room, he's impressed!! though, that's enough attention on him, who can easily be fixed with resources anyway; he carefully pulls hijikata back up, re-supporting him once he manages to stand again. ]
But, come on — we're going to the hospital to fix you up too, whether you like it or not.
[ and whether hijikata agreed or not..... tsurumaru drags him there anyway....................the end!!!!!!! ]