[ annnnd tying up the bandage! he's done! he tried his best getting it pretty snug, so hopefully that wound will close soon. ]
All we want to do is protect people.
[ maybe it's just because it's Hijikata's reputation he really won't believe it. being called the demon vice commander everyday, and with everything he does it makes people look at him terrified. of course, Hijikata isn't offended -- like he said before, he became the man he wanted to be, the opposite of Kondou-san.
but even then he had to accept some things that come with that reputation. like never being able to connect to people on a close level of friendship. he only connected with people as "demon vice commander" and subordinate. that's... just how it worked for him, and probably explains his loneliness.
though, there have been people that reached out to him... it does feel nice every once and awhile.
so, Tsurumaru is going to get a straightforward, flat answer. since it looks like this is a time to be honest - right after murder! ]
Of course.
[ he just stares. ] I don't say things just to say them, remember.
[ obviously, that's the answer that he wanted to hear! so to reward him, tsurumaru leans in even closer... and promptly bumps his nose against his own, laughing. ]
I know. I still wanted to hear it, though. [ but getting hijikata to say more than that would be a weary task, so he takes what he can get for now. still, tsurumaru wants to revisit an earlier topic, so he pulls back, head tilted to the side. ]
Does it bother you that much? Being called not awful, I mean. [ it's curious... and almost self-deprecating, in a way that he doesn't expect from hijikata, like someone that doesn't want to accept compliments, or has reason not to want any in the first place. ]
I told you something before — that I don't know anything about your era. [ he doesn't, not at all. the 19th century was full of naps and talks with ookurikara. ] So I don't know what made the vice commander of the Shinsengumi so — [ and here, he lifts his hand... jazz hand! ] — scary, nor did I ever hear about him at all. As far as I'm concerned, if it weren't for Horikawa and Kanesada talking about him all the time at the Citadel, I wouldn't have known he existed.
Instead, I know someone who gets cranky when I tell him he's had too many cups of green tea, and someone who gets embarrassed about his poems and hides them under his futon every time, and someone who likes sweets but won't admit it, so I keep having to buy him some and leave them everywhere. His hair is soft and fun to play with, and his hands are always warm. He lets me stay with him, and my days since then have become a whole lot brighter, because he's the kind of person that I look forward to seeing everyday.
[ he inhales deeply, as if to catch his breath, and then concludes — ] I don't think that person is awful.
Well, if people heard that... Then all my work in trying to be Kondou-san's opposite would've been proven useless. I hardened my heart for him and the Shinsengumi, I can't let that go to waste.
[ it might sound self-deprecating... ] Although, a man like me should be left alone - right? But...
[ it's... strange... to hear it maybe. such brutal honesty about what he thinks about Hijikata. he can't even afford to be mad, or try to deny it? so all he can do is silently fix his bangs and stands up. ]
No one has really looked at me with such unclouded eyes before, though. For once I'm not sure what to say.
[ and usually Hijikata always knows what to say, but he'll just gesture for Tsurumaru to stand as well and gently speak. ] Come on, I think until we clean this up we should roll out some futons in the main room. We'll sleep there for now-
[ actually he doesn't even know if Tsurumaru sleeps? he's always awake when Hijikata wakes up??? questions. ]
[ but this isn't the shinsengumi anymore, is what tsurumaru wants to say, but he lets the words die on his tongue because this is a part of what he'd told kashuu, before — that he doesn't understand several things, when it comes to hijikata's priorities and ideals, and that he also wants to understand him a bit better.
so instead, he smiles back at him, wiping a stray fleck of black ink from his own cheek with the back of his glove. ]
Well, it's not everyday that you meet someone from a different time period.
[ along with the fact that it isn't every day — or every century, even — that tsurumaru's honest, genuine thoughts about someone else are so unwaveringly positive. most of the time, his brutal honesty is scathing, words filled with his anger and disdain for people.
it's odd, but it's liberating; it's not a feeling that he dislikes. ]
That's fine with me. [ to both hijikata's uncertainty and to sleeping in the main room, so with some effort, he slowly pushes himself up to his own feet. and while he'd love for hijikata to go on thinking that he follows active sleeping patterns, which has more to do with avoiding nightmares than stubbornly resisting human schedules — ]
I don't sleep, anyway.
But if you want, I can pretend like I do. Have I been convincing you all along?
[ he really doesn't think about it that much? he almost forgets sometimes, and it just happens to slip his mind...
Hijikata rubs the back of his head -- really? now this is something he actually didn't know about Tsurumaru... that's another thing that slips his mind too. the sword spirits look very human, so naturally Hijikata just thinks of them... like another human being (well, the Hijikata way[tm]), naturally. ]
Huh... Sort of. I just kind of thought you fell asleep after me and woke up before me.
[ how weird. ]
It's been awhile since I've slept with someone in my own bed, but I won't force you. [ realistically, say Hijikata was in a relationship back at the headquarters, it'd have to be kept a secret... so... sleeping together was just never a thing. ]
Well... No, nevermind. Just make up your mind by tonight.
[ what he wanted to say was he does miss the feeling of holding onto someone while asleep... and maybe after today having that extra comfort would just feel nice anyway.
but maybe not. ]
There should be an extra futon for us in one of the other rooms.
Edited (TYPOO) 2016-04-29 09:59 (UTC)
fridges only open from the outside why are you cruel???
[ but he sleeps at strange times, given how much he loves to work... and he probably also wakes up early, like the old man he is. so if tsurumaru was truly falling asleep after him and waking up before him, it'd just make him more tired!
first of all, hijikata just has no shame, saying things like that out loud. secondly, however, it's something that tsurumaru's also thought about from time to time, particularly during the few hours of the night of which hijikata is asleep and he's awake — that if it's with him, then sleeping wouldn't be so terrifying.
so which is why when hijikata retracts his offer, he scrambles to quickly pick it back up. ]
Wait —
[ he steps forward, and then gently wraps his arms around hijikata's lower back, pulling him closer — and then pushes his cheek against his shoulder to look away, because having to ask for this is entirely embarrassing, but at the same time, he doesn't think hijikata will say no. he has faith!
plus, this is a win-win situation for both of them... even if he doesn't know it. ]
If you do this for me, then maybe... I can manage the sleeping part of it. Is that okay?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hijiwanwan) wrote2015-09-14 12:06 am
[history of japan voice] can you maybe chill?
All we want to do is protect people.
[ maybe it's just because it's Hijikata's reputation he really won't believe it. being called the demon vice commander everyday, and with everything he does it makes people look at him terrified. of course, Hijikata isn't offended -- like he said before, he became the man he wanted to be, the opposite of Kondou-san.
but even then he had to accept some things that come with that reputation. like never being able to connect to people on a close level of friendship. he only connected with people as "demon vice commander" and subordinate. that's... just how it worked for him, and probably explains his loneliness.
though, there have been people that reached out to him... it does feel nice every once and awhile.
so, Tsurumaru is going to get a straightforward, flat answer. since it looks like this is a time to be honest - right after murder! ]
Of course.
[ he just stares. ] I don't say things just to say them, remember.
stop i dont believe in chill
I know. I still wanted to hear it, though. [ but getting hijikata to say more than that would be a weary task, so he takes what he can get for now. still, tsurumaru wants to revisit an earlier topic, so he pulls back, head tilted to the side. ]
Does it bother you that much? Being called not awful, I mean. [ it's curious... and almost self-deprecating, in a way that he doesn't expect from hijikata, like someone that doesn't want to accept compliments, or has reason not to want any in the first place. ]
I told you something before — that I don't know anything about your era. [ he doesn't, not at all. the 19th century was full of naps and talks with ookurikara. ] So I don't know what made the vice commander of the Shinsengumi so — [ and here, he lifts his hand... jazz hand! ] — scary, nor did I ever hear about him at all. As far as I'm concerned, if it weren't for Horikawa and Kanesada talking about him all the time at the Citadel, I wouldn't have known he existed.
Instead, I know someone who gets cranky when I tell him he's had too many cups of green tea, and someone who gets embarrassed about his poems and hides them under his futon every time, and someone who likes sweets but won't admit it, so I keep having to buy him some and leave them everywhere. His hair is soft and fun to play with, and his hands are always warm. He lets me stay with him, and my days since then have become a whole lot brighter, because he's the kind of person that I look forward to seeing everyday.
[ he inhales deeply, as if to catch his breath, and then concludes — ] I don't think that person is awful.
sticks in fridge
Well, if people heard that... Then all my work in trying to be Kondou-san's opposite would've been proven useless. I hardened my heart for him and the Shinsengumi, I can't let that go to waste.
[ it might sound self-deprecating... ] Although, a man like me should be left alone - right? But...
[ it's... strange... to hear it maybe. such brutal honesty about what he thinks about Hijikata. he can't even afford to be mad, or try to deny it? so all he can do is silently fix his bangs and stands up. ]
No one has really looked at me with such unclouded eyes before, though. For once I'm not sure what to say.
[ and usually Hijikata always knows what to say, but he'll just gesture for Tsurumaru to stand as well and gently speak. ] Come on, I think until we clean this up we should roll out some futons in the main room. We'll sleep there for now-
[ actually he doesn't even know if Tsurumaru sleeps? he's always awake when Hijikata wakes up??? questions. ]
Does that sound good?
no it's cold ;__;
so instead, he smiles back at him, wiping a stray fleck of black ink from his own cheek with the back of his glove. ]
Well, it's not everyday that you meet someone from a different time period.
[ along with the fact that it isn't every day — or every century, even — that tsurumaru's honest, genuine thoughts about someone else are so unwaveringly positive. most of the time, his brutal honesty is scathing, words filled with his anger and disdain for people.
it's odd, but it's liberating; it's not a feeling that he dislikes. ]
That's fine with me. [ to both hijikata's uncertainty and to sleeping in the main room, so with some effort, he slowly pushes himself up to his own feet. and while he'd love for hijikata to go on thinking that he follows active sleeping patterns, which has more to do with avoiding nightmares than stubbornly resisting human schedules — ]
I don't sleep, anyway.
But if you want, I can pretend like I do. Have I been convincing you all along?
closes fridge door
[ he really doesn't think about it that much? he almost forgets sometimes, and it just happens to slip his mind...
Hijikata rubs the back of his head -- really? now this is something he actually didn't know about Tsurumaru... that's another thing that slips his mind too. the sword spirits look very human, so naturally Hijikata just thinks of them... like another human being (well, the Hijikata way[tm]), naturally. ]
Huh... Sort of. I just kind of thought you fell asleep after me and woke up before me.
[ how weird. ]
It's been awhile since I've slept with someone in my own bed, but I won't force you. [ realistically, say Hijikata was in a relationship back at the headquarters, it'd have to be kept a secret... so... sleeping together was just never a thing. ]
Well... No, nevermind. Just make up your mind by tonight.
[ what he wanted to say was he does miss the feeling of holding onto someone while asleep... and maybe after today having that extra comfort would just feel nice anyway.
but maybe not. ]
There should be an extra futon for us in one of the other rooms.
fridges only open from the outside why are you cruel???
first of all, hijikata just has no shame, saying things like that out loud. secondly, however, it's something that tsurumaru's also thought about from time to time, particularly during the few hours of the night of which hijikata is asleep and he's awake — that if it's with him, then sleeping wouldn't be so terrifying.
so which is why when hijikata retracts his offer, he scrambles to quickly pick it back up. ]
Wait —
[ he steps forward, and then gently wraps his arms around hijikata's lower back, pulling him closer — and then pushes his cheek against his shoulder to look away, because having to ask for this is entirely embarrassing, but at the same time, he doesn't think hijikata will say no. he has faith!
plus, this is a win-win situation for both of them... even if he doesn't know it. ]
If you do this for me, then maybe... I can manage the sleeping part of it. Is that okay?