[ he's kneeled down on the ground because he immediately wanted to pick up the shards, but his hand covers his mouth as if he's trying to predict whether... well, you know. if something might come up.
but he slowly removes his hand because he feels like he wont, thankfully. ]
H...Hey- Stop that..! I'm fine.
[ ugh Tsuru please calm down, Hijikata is a strong man!!!
but you bet Hijikata's ass he's still going to try to pick up glass - but he picks up a shard and then he hears Toshi, and just drops it. there's a flinch because would you look at that - he sure did cut himself.
There's only one person that calls him that, and by reflex: ]
Kondo--
[ ah... wait a minute.
a long pause. ]
You never called me that . . . Before.
[ ? ? ?
he's definitely not mad, it's not like he's Tsurumaru's vice commander and expects a 'Hijikata-san'... but... ? ? ? Question mark? ]
[ listen... no matter how strong humans say they are, they still die if stabbed!!
but that's the cue he's looking for, that this is familiar to hijikata and that he may be able to explain more. so he brightens up, sounding eager as he continues. ]
I heard that man call you it! You were going to say Kondou, weren't you? Nagasone's master?
[ to be honest, he still even thinks of okita as "yamato's and kashuu's master"... it's difficult to remember them otherwise. hijikata is a special case! ]
You were with him, and then he said, Toshi, I don't drink, but then you went ahead and poured him a glass anyway.
[ which sounds very familiar, ah yes... hijikata's drinking habits which involve sharing is caring. but then there's a pause; and when he speaks up again, his voice falters a little, kneeling down to sweep up the bigger shards that he sees. ]
And then, you talked about some things that I didn't understand.
[ he's just silent for a moment... then he nods slowly. ]
Ah... Yeah.
[ he'll just... get something for his cut later. right now he's just thinking about how Tsurumaru knows about this, but then once again he went back to his earlier thoughts. something's going on and this place is messing with them, sharing ... memories, apparently?
so maybe he shouldn't look so surprised.
but ah yes, sharing is totally caring. Hijikata shows a flash of amusement on his features as he remembers the countless times he made Kondou drink with him, but it only lasted for just a moment.
Hijikata can now infer what Tsurumaru is referring to because that is one of the most important conversations he's ever had with Kondou. It's almost a bit embarrassing even? Hijikata was still in his dumb, rebellious phase he's not too proud of. ]
[ ceres is just a mean beast that likes to show people memories... but after he's swept away the largest glass shards, he places them in a small pile on the counter, where no one else will be able to touch them by accident. and then, he's reaching up into one of the cabinets overhead for a first-aid kit, because aside from one or two people in this apartment, none of them can cook... and incur injuries from trying all of the time. hence, a little emergency kit stored above. ]
You said things like... how you wanted to be a samurai.
[ there's an uncertain pause after that, because it's true that he doesn't understand what it's like to want to attain a class above your own. ]
If I have to be honest, I'm not sure what that's like. I told you before, didn't I? That a sword like me wouldn't be able to understand most of your struggles.
[ not because he's just a sword, but because he's a sword for the upper class, the highest echelon of society. it would be rude of him, if not ignorant, to say that he understands the hardships of peasants. or even the middle class, for that matter.
but he'll reach for hijikata's hand then, wiping his cut clean with a damp towel, along with a here, stay still. and after he's finished, he speaks up again, rummaging through the box for gauze at the same time. ]
Did you feel like you were able to become a samurai, though?
[ how dare ceres tries to uncover Hijikata's times as a youngin'...
well, it's understandable Tsurumaru wouldn't understand. not like he was a peasant like Hijikata anyway. this is a thing he liked talking with Kondou-san, they did understand each other when it came to this sort of thing. he was a kind man that was easy to talk to. ]
Hm...
[ as he allows Tsurumaru to leave his hand and then soon wrap it, he nods silently after a bit of thought. ]
I suppose, I feel like I have... The Shinsengumi has come a long way so far.
Even so, people still tell us we can't become samurai, or just insult us -- but I think that's more of an incentive to get me to try even harder. So even if it feels like I've became a samurai, I still have a lot to do.
[ he's gotta show them wrong! this is why Hijikata is so stubborn? he spent almost his whole life being told he can't do this, or that... ]
It almost feels like a mountain I've been climbing up my whole life. Even if I came a long way, I'm still not at the top, so I have to keep climbing. Because when you're halfway up the mountain the only option is to continue climbing, right?
[ stop he was a rowdy little youngin'... also a good-looking youngin', apparently, who just flirted with visitors all day.
when hijikata continues, tsurumaru goes quiet to listen as attentively as he can, taking his time in wrapping the bandages around hijikata's hand. kashuu once told him about the lives of those who lived during the bakamatsu period — that they accomplished great things in bursts with their short lives, like fireworks lighting the night sky.
so he looks pensive for a moment, selecting his words carefully; because unlike humans with their short lifespans, he has all the time in the world to climb mountains and do everything that they can't. not that it's something to gloat about, of course — the top of the mountain is in fact a lonely place, after all. ]
That's a very human thing to say — to keep climbing, even though you don't know what's waiting for you at the top of the mountain. If you knew nothing was waiting for you there, would you still keep going?
[ since, well... he can't exactly tell hijikata that he died at hakodate before he was able to climb that entire metaphorical mountain, right?
but after some final wrapping motions, he's finished tying the bandages around his cut! he leans back, looking just a bit triumphant of his handiwork. ]
Well, I wouldn't have much to do if I decided to stop climbing would I? Even if at that top it's absolutely nothing, or a big accomplishment or even death... I would still try to reach it.
[ of course, as a samurai he has to be prepared for death at any given moment, right? ]
Though, sometimes I wish I could go back home and show my brother look what I've done, but... I can't control everything, huh...
[ well, it's a shame Kiroku had to go before Hijikata managed to accomplish a good amount of things. but that's life, basically.
he can't even show his parents! although, he wasn't too close to them to begin with, even the memories of their faces are just fuzzy or not there at all. ]
I wonder he would be proud of me, that's what I think about sometimes. Because he always talked about how much of a trouble I was so that's why I left in the first place. He was always mad about how often I got fired too.
[ he inspects his hand and wiggles his fingers to make sure it isn't too tight. it's perfect though! ugh, damn that glass though! ] It's good, thank you.
[ what's death? can you eat it? where can it be found?? but while he sort of understands what it's like to have guardians, he doesn't know what it's like to have a family, in the sense that the awataguchis do, the samonjis do, and even the vague relations that tie the sanjous together. so he pauses for a moment, mulling over his words carefully, but ultimately, it wouldn't do any good to be anything less than honest — even if that means admitting he just doesn't know at all. ]
I don't know how much my opinion means, coming from a sword that doesn't understand what having siblings is like — but I think he'd be proud of you.
[ humans are like that, right? they're proud when their relatives achieve high-ranking positions with lots of people at their command.
but there's the gratitude he's been looking for!! a very nice, well-deserved word of thanks. but that's not all of it, right? hijikata will certainly praise him even more, right! so he waits... waits a little more... and then he's going to wilt a little after being let down, looking at hijikata expectantly, as if to say "that's it?". ]
And?
[ his tone is curious, instead of demanding, trying to gently prompt him; tsurumaru will live if he doesn't get the pats that he wants, but he's going to be childish about asking for them in such a roundabout way. ]
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hijiwanwan) wrote2015-09-14 12:06 am
OH DANK MEMES SHOW ME THE FORBIDDEN MEME SHARES
but he slowly removes his hand because he feels like he wont, thankfully. ]
H...Hey- Stop that..! I'm fine.
[ ugh Tsuru please calm down, Hijikata is a strong man!!!
but you bet Hijikata's ass he's still going to try to pick up glass - but he picks up a shard and then he hears Toshi, and just drops it. there's a flinch because would you look at that - he sure did cut himself.
There's only one person that calls him that, and by reflex: ]
Kondo--
[ ah... wait a minute.
a long pause. ]
You never called me that . . . Before.
[ ? ? ?
he's definitely not mad, it's not like he's Tsurumaru's vice commander and expects a 'Hijikata-san'... but... ? ? ? Question mark? ]
*opens medicine box* *dank memerys pour out*
but that's the cue he's looking for, that this is familiar to hijikata and that he may be able to explain more. so he brightens up, sounding eager as he continues. ]
I heard that man call you it! You were going to say Kondou, weren't you? Nagasone's master?
[ to be honest, he still even thinks of okita as "yamato's and kashuu's master"... it's difficult to remember them otherwise. hijikata is a special case! ]
You were with him, and then he said, Toshi, I don't drink, but then you went ahead and poured him a glass anyway.
[ which sounds very familiar, ah yes... hijikata's drinking habits which involve sharing is caring. but then there's a pause; and when he speaks up again, his voice falters a little, kneeling down to sweep up the bigger shards that he sees. ]
And then, you talked about some things that I didn't understand.
STOP
Ah... Yeah.
[ he'll just... get something for his cut later. right now he's just thinking about how Tsurumaru knows about this, but then once again he went back to his earlier thoughts. something's going on and this place is messing with them, sharing ... memories, apparently?
so maybe he shouldn't look so surprised.
but ah yes, sharing is totally caring. Hijikata shows a flash of amusement on his features as he remembers the countless times he made Kondou drink with him, but it only lasted for just a moment.
Hijikata can now infer what Tsurumaru is referring to because that is one of the most important conversations he's ever had with Kondou. It's almost a bit embarrassing even? Hijikata was still in his dumb, rebellious phase he's not too proud of. ]
Then... What about it?
YOU STOP
You said things like... how you wanted to be a samurai.
[ there's an uncertain pause after that, because it's true that he doesn't understand what it's like to want to attain a class above your own. ]
If I have to be honest, I'm not sure what that's like. I told you before, didn't I? That a sword like me wouldn't be able to understand most of your struggles.
[ not because he's just a sword, but because he's a sword for the upper class, the highest echelon of society. it would be rude of him, if not ignorant, to say that he understands the hardships of peasants. or even the middle class, for that matter.
but he'll reach for hijikata's hand then, wiping his cut clean with a damp towel, along with a here, stay still. and after he's finished, he speaks up again, rummaging through the box for gauze at the same time. ]
Did you feel like you were able to become a samurai, though?
UGH LISTEN
well, it's understandable Tsurumaru wouldn't understand. not like he was a peasant like Hijikata anyway. this is a thing he liked talking with Kondou-san, they did understand each other when it came to this sort of thing. he was a kind man that was easy to talk to. ]
Hm...
[ as he allows Tsurumaru to leave his hand and then soon wrap it, he nods silently after a bit of thought. ]
I suppose, I feel like I have... The Shinsengumi has come a long way so far.
Even so, people still tell us we can't become samurai, or just insult us -- but I think that's more of an incentive to get me to try even harder. So even if it feels like I've became a samurai, I still have a lot to do.
[ he's gotta show them wrong! this is why Hijikata is so stubborn? he spent almost his whole life being told he can't do this, or that... ]
It almost feels like a mountain I've been climbing up my whole life. Even if I came a long way, I'm still not at the top, so I have to keep climbing. Because when you're halfway up the mountain the only option is to continue climbing, right?
YOU LISTEN i... forgot what we were talking about
when hijikata continues, tsurumaru goes quiet to listen as attentively as he can, taking his time in wrapping the bandages around hijikata's hand. kashuu once told him about the lives of those who lived during the bakamatsu period — that they accomplished great things in bursts with their short lives, like fireworks lighting the night sky.
so he looks pensive for a moment, selecting his words carefully; because unlike humans with their short lifespans, he has all the time in the world to climb mountains and do everything that they can't. not that it's something to gloat about, of course — the top of the mountain is in fact a lonely place, after all. ]
That's a very human thing to say — to keep climbing, even though you don't know what's waiting for you at the top of the mountain. If you knew nothing was waiting for you there, would you still keep going?
[ since, well... he can't exactly tell hijikata that he died at hakodate before he was able to climb that entire metaphorical mountain, right?
but after some final wrapping motions, he's finished tying the bandages around his cut! he leans back, looking just a bit triumphant of his handiwork. ]
There. Tell me if it's too tight, okay?
me too [komyu voice] how are you
[ of course, as a samurai he has to be prepared for death at any given moment, right? ]
Though, sometimes I wish I could go back home and show my brother look what I've done, but... I can't control everything, huh...
[ well, it's a shame Kiroku had to go before Hijikata managed to accomplish a good amount of things. but that's life, basically.
he can't even show his parents! although, he wasn't too close to them to begin with, even the memories of their faces are just fuzzy or not there at all. ]
I wonder he would be proud of me, that's what I think about sometimes. Because he always talked about how much of a trouble I was so that's why I left in the first place. He was always mad about how often I got fired too.
[ he inspects his hand and wiggles his fingers to make sure it isn't too tight. it's perfect though! ugh, damn that glass though! ] It's good, thank you.
UGH I'M SLEEPY but how about /you/
I don't know how much my opinion means, coming from a sword that doesn't understand what having siblings is like — but I think he'd be proud of you.
[ humans are like that, right? they're proud when their relatives achieve high-ranking positions with lots of people at their command.
but there's the gratitude he's been looking for!! a very nice, well-deserved word of thanks. but that's not all of it, right? hijikata will certainly praise him even more, right! so he waits... waits a little more... and then he's going to wilt a little after being let down, looking at hijikata expectantly, as if to say "that's it?". ]
And?
[ his tone is curious, instead of demanding, trying to gently prompt him; tsurumaru will live if he doesn't get the pats that he wants, but he's going to be childish about asking for them in such a roundabout way. ]