[ well, the body's not going anywhere ( ha! ), so they can take their time wrapping injuries... but yes! he's seen the drug box before, enough times to where he can easily recognize it. so with a yeah, i'll go get it!, he steps out of the room and heads towards the bathroom, but as it's sitting in plain sight on the nearest bathroom shelf, it's not too hard to find.
it's also not the smallest box, so he tries to holds it against his chest with his hand on his way back. he almost drops it a few times, but it makes it there in one piece! ]
This is it, right? [ he sets it down on the floor space between them once he returns, resuming his sitting position. he'll wait for hijikata to open it, because it's mostly his drug box, and tsurumaru's never actually opened it himself... since usually, those medicines don't concern him.
so, while hijikata's digging through it for bandages and whatnot, he continues from earlier. ]
You haven't given me a reason to distrust you, so why would I? Plus, it wasn't really you who did any of that, so you have nothing to apologize for.
[ despite it looking the same, it's not hijikata himself. ] It did do a lot of the things that you like to do, though... which is why I was kind of convinced.
[ but it's so weird having a dead robot body in the room. . . . .
he only nods as he opens up the box and digs for bandages. ]
I see...
[ he still looks extremely apologetic despite being told he has nothing to apologize for... which is why he's probably being very quiet right now. first -- clean the wound! it might sting a bit. though, after that he's wrapping the bandage in silence, focusing on the arm verry intensely.
but he decides to speak up after the silence has gone on long enough. ]
. . . Did you actually mean what you said back there though?
[ it's not a shallow wound, by any means — so there's a long period where the antiseptic does sting unbearably, but tsurumaru manages to keep himself still, aside from quiet hisses when it hurts too much. the silence, which would have been stifling in any other instance, is something that he doesn't mind for now.
and he's watching the bandages slowly go over his arm, wrapped firmly over and over when hijikata speaks up again. it takes him a bit to understand what's meant by "what he said back there", but when he does realize....
. . .
. . . . . .
OH NO. . . . . . . . . .
there's this flash of pure horror (or is it embarrassment? or both!) across his face, and it's obvious that he knows exactly what hijikata is referencing. ]
[ almost done wrapping his arm up! but then he'll have to tackle that shoulder. he'll finish it off by tying the bandages in a little bow, making sure it's secure.
it looks like he's more focused on the arm than anything, but he nods. ]
I was sort of unconscious for awhile but I was pretty awake when I did... So yeah.
[ after hijikata's finished bandaging his arm, tsurumaru looks it over — it's wrapped firmly, enough so that he isn't just bleeding everywhere, but not tight enough to the point where it's uncomfortable. moving it immediately hurts a little, though.
there's a moment of hesitation as he glances away... and then looks back at hijikata, because he did sort of just save him and everything, so he deserves this. ]
Obviously. Do I look like the kind of person who says things that I don't mean?
[ yes..... yes he does, actually, but that's besides the point! back then, he meant every single word! ]
[ he'll answer that for you out loud Tsuru... and also he's going to start sliding off the layers of clothes off Tsurumaru's shoulder. he has to get that shoulder wound!
or well, he thought there was a wound there... it looked like it only pierced the fabric. ]
Are you hurt anywhere else?
[ he pauses, before sliding the the clothes back onto his shoulders. ] That's strange... I always made sure everyone looked at me with fear in their eyes and never came to talk to me unless they have a good reason. It's the kind of man I wanted to be though... but...
The captains did get close to me, so I think they noticed my loneliness. Did you too? I tried to be really awful to you hoping to strike the same fear, but you never ran off. Why are you so insistent?
[ ICE COLD...... but wow, hijikata, not right now!! what if the ghost of the dead robot is watching? but after a stare at his shoulder, the layers of clothes are pulled back up where they originally were, and ah... it wasn't going to be that, after all. ]
It just pushed me, that's all. But then, it stepped on me — right here. [ he puts his hand over his chest, where his heart is. ] It hurts to breathe, but I won't die.
[ he inhales again and winces, but tsukumogami don't exactly need to breathe in the way that people do, so he'll be fine. and when hijikata continues, he listens quietly, giving him his full attention, in the rare way that he does when he's being told something important by someone important. but there's a pause after he's finished, and he lifts his head, with a quiet smile. ]
You know... if that's what you think "awful" is, then you're a naive person. [ humans are capable of far crueler things — he knows this particularly well. ] If I told you that the people who know loneliness best are other lonely people, would you understand?
[ because it's lonely, not being allowed to love people — because it would spell out their deaths. so when someone comes along, telling him that it's okay and perfectly acceptable for him to be around them, it makes him happy enough to cry.
but then, of course, he spoils the mood. ] That, and you always sounded like you wanted to personally escort me to my death, so because of that, at first... I never wanted to leave you alone.
Well, be sure to drink some water. I can probably get you some medicine for it...
[ that should do it then? he actually... never wrapped his own head with bandage before. so for once he might do an awful job. but he'll just try his best and push back some bangs and begin wrapping the bandage around his head??? this is hard. ]
Nope. I'm a pretty awful person. [ he isn't going to believe otherwise, to be honest. ] but I did it for the sake of the troop. People like me should be left alone, though.
[ so Tsurumaru can call him kind all he wants... but he won't believe it. he doesn't know why he's saying all this but... it's just what he thinks really.
he sighs. ]
You're so weird. [ why must you walk into death so casually Tsuru... ] But... I really appreciate it.
[ he'll watch hijikata try to bandage his own head, and while he'd like to help... there's not much that he can do with one hand, so he settles for observing. and in the end, it doesn't look as bad as he thinks! ]
Doing something for the sake of other people already makes it better than doing something out of your own pathetic, human greed.
[ he might have sounded a bit bitter, but tsurumaru knows that hijikata is stubborn, so he gives up on trying to get him to accept it, even if it does kind of bother him a whole lot... because hijikata honestly isn't that cruel at all in his eyes, and he doesn't understand why he doesn't understand.
it must be an era standards thing, he thinks. the bakumatsu period apparently has weak standards for being awful people... torturing people is nothing! ]
I've been told that before. [ about being weird, he means, and he laughs softly. listen, his ultimate wish is to die... let him have his wish.
but while hijikata's being honest, tsurumaru's going to push his luck even further, leaning forward with a smirk. ] And do you appreciate me, too?
[ annnnd tying up the bandage! he's done! he tried his best getting it pretty snug, so hopefully that wound will close soon. ]
All we want to do is protect people.
[ maybe it's just because it's Hijikata's reputation he really won't believe it. being called the demon vice commander everyday, and with everything he does it makes people look at him terrified. of course, Hijikata isn't offended -- like he said before, he became the man he wanted to be, the opposite of Kondou-san.
but even then he had to accept some things that come with that reputation. like never being able to connect to people on a close level of friendship. he only connected with people as "demon vice commander" and subordinate. that's... just how it worked for him, and probably explains his loneliness.
though, there have been people that reached out to him... it does feel nice every once and awhile.
so, Tsurumaru is going to get a straightforward, flat answer. since it looks like this is a time to be honest - right after murder! ]
Of course.
[ he just stares. ] I don't say things just to say them, remember.
[ obviously, that's the answer that he wanted to hear! so to reward him, tsurumaru leans in even closer... and promptly bumps his nose against his own, laughing. ]
I know. I still wanted to hear it, though. [ but getting hijikata to say more than that would be a weary task, so he takes what he can get for now. still, tsurumaru wants to revisit an earlier topic, so he pulls back, head tilted to the side. ]
Does it bother you that much? Being called not awful, I mean. [ it's curious... and almost self-deprecating, in a way that he doesn't expect from hijikata, like someone that doesn't want to accept compliments, or has reason not to want any in the first place. ]
I told you something before — that I don't know anything about your era. [ he doesn't, not at all. the 19th century was full of naps and talks with ookurikara. ] So I don't know what made the vice commander of the Shinsengumi so — [ and here, he lifts his hand... jazz hand! ] — scary, nor did I ever hear about him at all. As far as I'm concerned, if it weren't for Horikawa and Kanesada talking about him all the time at the Citadel, I wouldn't have known he existed.
Instead, I know someone who gets cranky when I tell him he's had too many cups of green tea, and someone who gets embarrassed about his poems and hides them under his futon every time, and someone who likes sweets but won't admit it, so I keep having to buy him some and leave them everywhere. His hair is soft and fun to play with, and his hands are always warm. He lets me stay with him, and my days since then have become a whole lot brighter, because he's the kind of person that I look forward to seeing everyday.
[ he inhales deeply, as if to catch his breath, and then concludes — ] I don't think that person is awful.
Well, if people heard that... Then all my work in trying to be Kondou-san's opposite would've been proven useless. I hardened my heart for him and the Shinsengumi, I can't let that go to waste.
[ it might sound self-deprecating... ] Although, a man like me should be left alone - right? But...
[ it's... strange... to hear it maybe. such brutal honesty about what he thinks about Hijikata. he can't even afford to be mad, or try to deny it? so all he can do is silently fix his bangs and stands up. ]
No one has really looked at me with such unclouded eyes before, though. For once I'm not sure what to say.
[ and usually Hijikata always knows what to say, but he'll just gesture for Tsurumaru to stand as well and gently speak. ] Come on, I think until we clean this up we should roll out some futons in the main room. We'll sleep there for now-
[ actually he doesn't even know if Tsurumaru sleeps? he's always awake when Hijikata wakes up??? questions. ]
[ but this isn't the shinsengumi anymore, is what tsurumaru wants to say, but he lets the words die on his tongue because this is a part of what he'd told kashuu, before — that he doesn't understand several things, when it comes to hijikata's priorities and ideals, and that he also wants to understand him a bit better.
so instead, he smiles back at him, wiping a stray fleck of black ink from his own cheek with the back of his glove. ]
Well, it's not everyday that you meet someone from a different time period.
[ along with the fact that it isn't every day — or every century, even — that tsurumaru's honest, genuine thoughts about someone else are so unwaveringly positive. most of the time, his brutal honesty is scathing, words filled with his anger and disdain for people.
it's odd, but it's liberating; it's not a feeling that he dislikes. ]
That's fine with me. [ to both hijikata's uncertainty and to sleeping in the main room, so with some effort, he slowly pushes himself up to his own feet. and while he'd love for hijikata to go on thinking that he follows active sleeping patterns, which has more to do with avoiding nightmares than stubbornly resisting human schedules — ]
I don't sleep, anyway.
But if you want, I can pretend like I do. Have I been convincing you all along?
[ he really doesn't think about it that much? he almost forgets sometimes, and it just happens to slip his mind...
Hijikata rubs the back of his head -- really? now this is something he actually didn't know about Tsurumaru... that's another thing that slips his mind too. the sword spirits look very human, so naturally Hijikata just thinks of them... like another human being (well, the Hijikata way[tm]), naturally. ]
Huh... Sort of. I just kind of thought you fell asleep after me and woke up before me.
[ how weird. ]
It's been awhile since I've slept with someone in my own bed, but I won't force you. [ realistically, say Hijikata was in a relationship back at the headquarters, it'd have to be kept a secret... so... sleeping together was just never a thing. ]
Well... No, nevermind. Just make up your mind by tonight.
[ what he wanted to say was he does miss the feeling of holding onto someone while asleep... and maybe after today having that extra comfort would just feel nice anyway.
but maybe not. ]
There should be an extra futon for us in one of the other rooms.
Edited (TYPOO) 2016-04-29 09:59 (UTC)
fridges only open from the outside why are you cruel???
[ but he sleeps at strange times, given how much he loves to work... and he probably also wakes up early, like the old man he is. so if tsurumaru was truly falling asleep after him and waking up before him, it'd just make him more tired!
first of all, hijikata just has no shame, saying things like that out loud. secondly, however, it's something that tsurumaru's also thought about from time to time, particularly during the few hours of the night of which hijikata is asleep and he's awake — that if it's with him, then sleeping wouldn't be so terrifying.
so which is why when hijikata retracts his offer, he scrambles to quickly pick it back up. ]
Wait —
[ he steps forward, and then gently wraps his arms around hijikata's lower back, pulling him closer — and then pushes his cheek against his shoulder to look away, because having to ask for this is entirely embarrassing, but at the same time, he doesn't think hijikata will say no. he has faith!
plus, this is a win-win situation for both of them... even if he doesn't know it. ]
If you do this for me, then maybe... I can manage the sleeping part of it. Is that okay?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hijiwanwan) wrote2015-09-14 12:06 am
why don't you believe in the eternal nap
it's also not the smallest box, so he tries to holds it against his chest with his hand on his way back. he almost drops it a few times, but it makes it there in one piece! ]
This is it, right? [ he sets it down on the floor space between them once he returns, resuming his sitting position. he'll wait for hijikata to open it, because it's mostly his drug box, and tsurumaru's never actually opened it himself... since usually, those medicines don't concern him.
so, while hijikata's digging through it for bandages and whatnot, he continues from earlier. ]
You haven't given me a reason to distrust you, so why would I? Plus, it wasn't really you who did any of that, so you have nothing to apologize for.
[ despite it looking the same, it's not hijikata himself. ] It did do a lot of the things that you like to do, though... which is why I was kind of convinced.
no!!! nap!!!
he only nods as he opens up the box and digs for bandages. ]
I see...
[ he still looks extremely apologetic despite being told he has nothing to apologize for... which is why he's probably being very quiet right now. first -- clean the wound! it might sting a bit. though, after that he's wrapping the bandage in silence, focusing on the arm verry intensely.
but he decides to speak up after the silence has gone on long enough. ]
. . . Did you actually mean what you said back there though?
why!! not!!!!
and he's watching the bandages slowly go over his arm, wrapped firmly over and over when hijikata speaks up again. it takes him a bit to understand what's meant by "what he said back there", but when he does realize....
. . .
. . . . . .
OH NO. . . . . . . . . .
there's this flash of pure horror (or is it embarrassment? or both!) across his face, and it's obvious that he knows exactly what hijikata is referencing. ]
You heard that?
NO NAPS!
it looks like he's more focused on the arm than anything, but he nods. ]
I was sort of unconscious for awhile but I was pretty awake when I did... So yeah.
[ so he finally looks up -- ] So, did you?
AAAAA WHY CANT WE NAP
there's a moment of hesitation as he glances away... and then looks back at hijikata, because he did sort of just save him and everything, so he deserves this. ]
Obviously. Do I look like the kind of person who says things that I don't mean?
[ yes..... yes he does, actually, but that's besides the point! back then, he meant every single word! ]
not allowed :/
[ he'll answer that for you out loud Tsuru... and also he's going to start sliding off the layers of clothes off Tsurumaru's shoulder. he has to get that shoulder wound!
or well, he thought there was a wound there... it looked like it only pierced the fabric. ]
Are you hurt anywhere else?
[ he pauses, before sliding the the clothes back onto his shoulders. ] That's strange... I always made sure everyone looked at me with fear in their eyes and never came to talk to me unless they have a good reason. It's the kind of man I wanted to be though... but...
The captains did get close to me, so I think they noticed my loneliness. Did you too? I tried to be really awful to you hoping to strike the same fear, but you never ran off. Why are you so insistent?
but we can take the eternal nap together :(
It just pushed me, that's all. But then, it stepped on me — right here. [ he puts his hand over his chest, where his heart is. ] It hurts to breathe, but I won't die.
[ he inhales again and winces, but tsukumogami don't exactly need to breathe in the way that people do, so he'll be fine. and when hijikata continues, he listens quietly, giving him his full attention, in the rare way that he does when he's being told something important by someone important. but there's a pause after he's finished, and he lifts his head, with a quiet smile. ]
You know... if that's what you think "awful" is, then you're a naive person. [ humans are capable of far crueler things — he knows this particularly well. ] If I told you that the people who know loneliness best are other lonely people, would you understand?
[ because it's lonely, not being allowed to love people — because it would spell out their deaths. so when someone comes along, telling him that it's okay and perfectly acceptable for him to be around them, it makes him happy enough to cry.
but then, of course, he spoils the mood. ] That, and you always sounded like you wanted to personally escort me to my death, so because of that, at first... I never wanted to leave you alone.
i watn to live???
[ that should do it then? he actually... never wrapped his own head with bandage before. so for once he might do an awful job. but he'll just try his best and push back some bangs and begin wrapping the bandage around his head??? this is hard. ]
Nope. I'm a pretty awful person. [ he isn't going to believe otherwise, to be honest. ] but I did it for the sake of the troop. People like me should be left alone, though.
[ so Tsurumaru can call him kind all he wants... but he won't believe it. he doesn't know why he's saying all this but... it's just what he thinks really.
he sighs. ]
You're so weird. [ why must you walk into death so casually Tsuru... ] But... I really appreciate it.
but why do you want to live
Doing something for the sake of other people already makes it better than doing something out of your own pathetic, human greed.
[ he might have sounded a bit bitter, but tsurumaru knows that hijikata is stubborn, so he gives up on trying to get him to accept it, even if it does kind of bother him a whole lot... because hijikata honestly isn't that cruel at all in his eyes, and he doesn't understand why he doesn't understand.
it must be an era standards thing, he thinks. the bakumatsu period apparently has weak standards for being awful people... torturing people is nothing! ]
I've been told that before. [ about being weird, he means, and he laughs softly. listen, his ultimate wish is to die... let him have his wish.
but while hijikata's being honest, tsurumaru's going to push his luck even further, leaning forward with a smirk. ] And do you appreciate me, too?
[history of japan voice] can you maybe chill?
All we want to do is protect people.
[ maybe it's just because it's Hijikata's reputation he really won't believe it. being called the demon vice commander everyday, and with everything he does it makes people look at him terrified. of course, Hijikata isn't offended -- like he said before, he became the man he wanted to be, the opposite of Kondou-san.
but even then he had to accept some things that come with that reputation. like never being able to connect to people on a close level of friendship. he only connected with people as "demon vice commander" and subordinate. that's... just how it worked for him, and probably explains his loneliness.
though, there have been people that reached out to him... it does feel nice every once and awhile.
so, Tsurumaru is going to get a straightforward, flat answer. since it looks like this is a time to be honest - right after murder! ]
Of course.
[ he just stares. ] I don't say things just to say them, remember.
stop i dont believe in chill
I know. I still wanted to hear it, though. [ but getting hijikata to say more than that would be a weary task, so he takes what he can get for now. still, tsurumaru wants to revisit an earlier topic, so he pulls back, head tilted to the side. ]
Does it bother you that much? Being called not awful, I mean. [ it's curious... and almost self-deprecating, in a way that he doesn't expect from hijikata, like someone that doesn't want to accept compliments, or has reason not to want any in the first place. ]
I told you something before — that I don't know anything about your era. [ he doesn't, not at all. the 19th century was full of naps and talks with ookurikara. ] So I don't know what made the vice commander of the Shinsengumi so — [ and here, he lifts his hand... jazz hand! ] — scary, nor did I ever hear about him at all. As far as I'm concerned, if it weren't for Horikawa and Kanesada talking about him all the time at the Citadel, I wouldn't have known he existed.
Instead, I know someone who gets cranky when I tell him he's had too many cups of green tea, and someone who gets embarrassed about his poems and hides them under his futon every time, and someone who likes sweets but won't admit it, so I keep having to buy him some and leave them everywhere. His hair is soft and fun to play with, and his hands are always warm. He lets me stay with him, and my days since then have become a whole lot brighter, because he's the kind of person that I look forward to seeing everyday.
[ he inhales deeply, as if to catch his breath, and then concludes — ] I don't think that person is awful.
sticks in fridge
Well, if people heard that... Then all my work in trying to be Kondou-san's opposite would've been proven useless. I hardened my heart for him and the Shinsengumi, I can't let that go to waste.
[ it might sound self-deprecating... ] Although, a man like me should be left alone - right? But...
[ it's... strange... to hear it maybe. such brutal honesty about what he thinks about Hijikata. he can't even afford to be mad, or try to deny it? so all he can do is silently fix his bangs and stands up. ]
No one has really looked at me with such unclouded eyes before, though. For once I'm not sure what to say.
[ and usually Hijikata always knows what to say, but he'll just gesture for Tsurumaru to stand as well and gently speak. ] Come on, I think until we clean this up we should roll out some futons in the main room. We'll sleep there for now-
[ actually he doesn't even know if Tsurumaru sleeps? he's always awake when Hijikata wakes up??? questions. ]
Does that sound good?
no it's cold ;__;
so instead, he smiles back at him, wiping a stray fleck of black ink from his own cheek with the back of his glove. ]
Well, it's not everyday that you meet someone from a different time period.
[ along with the fact that it isn't every day — or every century, even — that tsurumaru's honest, genuine thoughts about someone else are so unwaveringly positive. most of the time, his brutal honesty is scathing, words filled with his anger and disdain for people.
it's odd, but it's liberating; it's not a feeling that he dislikes. ]
That's fine with me. [ to both hijikata's uncertainty and to sleeping in the main room, so with some effort, he slowly pushes himself up to his own feet. and while he'd love for hijikata to go on thinking that he follows active sleeping patterns, which has more to do with avoiding nightmares than stubbornly resisting human schedules — ]
I don't sleep, anyway.
But if you want, I can pretend like I do. Have I been convincing you all along?
closes fridge door
[ he really doesn't think about it that much? he almost forgets sometimes, and it just happens to slip his mind...
Hijikata rubs the back of his head -- really? now this is something he actually didn't know about Tsurumaru... that's another thing that slips his mind too. the sword spirits look very human, so naturally Hijikata just thinks of them... like another human being (well, the Hijikata way[tm]), naturally. ]
Huh... Sort of. I just kind of thought you fell asleep after me and woke up before me.
[ how weird. ]
It's been awhile since I've slept with someone in my own bed, but I won't force you. [ realistically, say Hijikata was in a relationship back at the headquarters, it'd have to be kept a secret... so... sleeping together was just never a thing. ]
Well... No, nevermind. Just make up your mind by tonight.
[ what he wanted to say was he does miss the feeling of holding onto someone while asleep... and maybe after today having that extra comfort would just feel nice anyway.
but maybe not. ]
There should be an extra futon for us in one of the other rooms.
fridges only open from the outside why are you cruel???
first of all, hijikata just has no shame, saying things like that out loud. secondly, however, it's something that tsurumaru's also thought about from time to time, particularly during the few hours of the night of which hijikata is asleep and he's awake — that if it's with him, then sleeping wouldn't be so terrifying.
so which is why when hijikata retracts his offer, he scrambles to quickly pick it back up. ]
Wait —
[ he steps forward, and then gently wraps his arms around hijikata's lower back, pulling him closer — and then pushes his cheek against his shoulder to look away, because having to ask for this is entirely embarrassing, but at the same time, he doesn't think hijikata will say no. he has faith!
plus, this is a win-win situation for both of them... even if he doesn't know it. ]
If you do this for me, then maybe... I can manage the sleeping part of it. Is that okay?