[ he makes sure to keep that edge of the sword close to his skin. one false move and Tsurumaru can get seriously nicked! but looking at that expression, seeing him so shocked, and the fact he got him to back up just shows that he's in control right now. ]
I want you all to myself.
[ that voice is almost music to his ears -- he likes being called Hijikata, he's the better replacement obviously. that desperation in his voice is pleasant to his ears. of course, he wants him to talk more. it excites him. it's a delight to hear. ]
I want you... To love me. Hey, tell me that you love me.
[ hijibot will find himself thoroughly disappointed, though, as tsurumaru decides to make it clear that by now, he's caught on. most of his act is bravado, though, because the fact that he's being put at swordpoint by something that looks way too much like hijikata is, well, going to leave a lasting impression in his mind.
so he takes a deep breath, putting all of his effort into keeping his voice steady, since the last thing that he wants hijibot to pick up on is that he's still just as frightened; the first phrase — that he wants him all to himself — is one that frequently comes out of the mouths of collectors and thieves while staring at him, and it makes him remember things that he doesn't want to remember. ]
How can I love you, when I don't love you at all? [ although his voice does shake, just a bit — so there's a pause, before he continues more gently. ]
But I do love him. I love the Hijikata that gets angry at me for messing up, that yells at me for surprising him too many times, that constantly calls me a child and then goes ahead and tells me all of these dirty things, without any kind of shame, but then tries to deny it when I call him kind.
That annoying, bothersome, kind person is someone that I love, more than anyone else that currently exists in the entire world. And if he asks me to, I wouldn't even mind being owned by him for the rest of his life. [ which is mostly a reference to how he was constantly owned BUT, hijikata's filthy kink might take it another way...
but back to the situation at hand! his wistful expression quickly turns back into an angry glare, looking at hijibot with impatience. ]
Keeping me here like this isn't going to make me love you any more.
[ there's a flash of shock on his face -- that's not what he wanted to hear. he recomposes himself rather quickly though, and lets out a sigh, a very irritated one at that however. ]
I see.
[ he retracts the blade, and takes a few steps back. ] So you'd rather have that guy, I'm clearly the better one. Are you stupid?
[ he scoffs. the irritation is blatantly obvious, but for some reason he does seem calmer when Tsurumaru got it through to him - or did he? he lowers his voice. ]
Then I might as well kill so he can't have you.
[ and without one second of hesitation he's already making his move and launching his attack! lifting and thrusting it forward at Tsurumaru's torso. ]
Kill me? My, you're even more possessive than he is. [ ah... his voice still shakes a little, but if it's out of fear, anticipation, or both is indistinguishable.
he swiftly dodges to the side, although the blade will manage to slice through the side of his jacket (but, given how fluffy his jacket is, it practically functions as a pseudo-shield), and before hijikata has a chance to draw his blade back, tsurumaru will reach out to give him a swift kick —
— and manages to dislodge the unused blade from his hip, quickly grabbing kanesada and unsheathing it (it? him? sorry, kanesan) — of course, with kanesada being an uchigatana, there's a length shortage that he has to keep in mind.
blade pointed at hijikata, now — he lifts his chin, to make himself look even braver! because even if hijibot is just a bot, he probably knows all of hijikata's talent with a sword, to an extent. at least, far better than tsurumaru knows kanesada. so he's going to...... bluff? ]
If you know what's good for you, you won't take on the task of killing an unkillable sword.
[ that kick makes him recoil with a 'tch' leaving from his lips. he only shoots Tsurumaru an icy glare because he failed in delivering a good stab. well, fine. ]
If you want to avoid death you should just let me have you.
[ a simple request! really! because he's 100% determine to kill Tsurumaru. ] Then I can go and kill the 'Hijikata' you love so much... Wouldn't you rather die together?
[ a scoff. he really isn't going to wait for Tsurumaru to answer, even if he magically felt like complying despite dodging the first strike. so Tsurumaru can bluff all he wants but Hijikata is going to close the distance between them with swift steps. using Horikawa means he does have to get closer to make cuts that matter, so... this might be dangerous.
but he'll aim higher with another thrust forward -- this time aiming for the arm or shoulder, to clearly disarm him. ]
Don't talk about me like I'm some precious treasure for your amusement. [ he hisses, practically bristling with anger, but all of that comes to a halt when hijibot offers that proposal, as he thinks. in hindsight, death is probably more convenient, because life leads to death, but death leads to nothing, like a security blanket.
but making that decision on his own would be selfish — and with hijikata, he can't afford to be selfish. if he ever dies with hijikata, it's not going to be here, and it's not going to be today. although, tsurumaru snaps back from his deliberation a moment too late, and the blow ends up mostly connecting, effortlessly slicing through white fabric and grazing more of his upper arm than he'd expected.
it hurts — in a stinging way that's almost enough for him to let go, and he gasps; but in a last-ditch effort, he grips the handle of the sword with everything he has, trying to push back hijikata's blade with his own, the shrill sound of metal grating together filing the air. still, tsurumaru's hold isn't firm, and if hijibot pushes against his blade just a little more, the sword will certainly go clattering out of tsurumaru's hands with ease.
but, until then. ] I wouldn't mind dying with him — but humans all have a strong will to live.
Therefore, for his sake, I won't take you up on that.
[ Hijikata will extend his leg swiftly to trip Tsurumaru while he pushes forward with his blade one last time. if Tsurumaru does fall forward, he'll make sure to keep him down by placing a foot on top of his chest.
his lips curl up into a smirk as he push down on it with as much force as he possibly can.
he tilts his head as the tip of the blade hovers over his skin, tracing the neck down to his chest - barely touching it with the metal. he hums, as if he's trying to make a decision. but instead he immediately sinks the blade into one of his forearms. ]
[ from the moment that he feels his footing slip, he knows that he's made a grave mistake.
what remains of his seemingly confident composure falls apart right then, his breath coming quickly, shallowly; not that he can manage any more than that, actually, given the weight pushing down against his chest. and he follows the blade with his eyes, somehow trying to sink further against the floor, as if he can, despite hijikata's floors not being made out of soft carpet material — so ultimately, backing away is useless.
— along with anything else that he could have done to avoid that.
there's a gasp, as he turns his head, and even as he watches blood soak into the sleeve of his jacket, he doesn't understand; he finds that his heart hurts along with his arm, not just because it's just been pressed down on, and he doesn't understand.
it's not a fatal injury by any means, but it hurts just as much collectively.
he looks back up at him wordlessly, for a few seconds, and he seems far more shocked than angry — that this bot would do this, with hijikata's appearance; and then, he slowly lifts his free arm to try to push the blade back out. of course, he isn't strong enough to manage that with one hand; he's not a strong sword, by any means. ]
[ maybe if he tortured him enough -- cut him up slowly he'll give up? he couldn't help but chuckle at how shocked he looked, yes, Hijikata is thoroughly enjoying this. if he can't use his arms, then he can't fight back. which means he can do whatever he wants, really. it's simple, it's punishment for denying him and liking the other Hijikata more than him; the better replacement.
there's this moment of silence before it's interrupted with a crashing noise. the paper door for the closet gets teared down! and yes, it's real Hijikata and it definitely looked like he had a rough time. it looks like he suffered quite the blow to the head because of the blood running down the side of it and he has bruises here and there. he has gashes here and there, but by all means they aren't as fatal. so by the guess of it they had quite the tussle before the robot managed to knock him down and take his swords.
but despite everything he's been through there's no way he'd just sit there and let the robot hurt Tsurumaru? but he definitely looks tired and almost out of breath.
while this is the best time to say something heroic, it's not like Hijikata is a hero or anything. he doesn't really hesitate to take off and tackle the robot to the ground! hopefully this surprises him enough to let go of Horikawa (because damn! how disrespectful is it to use his own damn sword to hurt people he never wants to hurt?).
immediately, his hands forcefully grab the robots neck -- applying as much pressure as he can to the jugular. the robot's breath hitches and naturally, he begins to struggle. his eyes flicker towards Tsurumaru, and Hijikata already barks out a command -- ]
Hand me that sword! I'm going to finally finish this.
[ he puts more pressure onto his grip of the neck... if he holds it log enough, he'll at least pass out in 30 seconds? ]
[ it's surely something, realizing that for the first time in a while, he's afraid of death and everything else in between; no, he's not just afraid — he's terrified, to the point where he feels as if something could very well snap within him. hijikata has always made threats of a particular nature, threats that tsurumaru would usually dare him to follow through with. so given this situation, it's not unlikely that the robot would execute those same threats; he's sure that the robot wouldn't hesitate to cut him up, slowly, until he bleeds to his own death, and much to his own surprise, that doesn't excite him at all.
it also scares him, not knowing where hijikata is, or whether he's okay or not; all he knows is that hijikata is alive somewhere, but that doesn't do anything to ease his worry. so in these next crucial moments, he gathers up all of the hope that he has and wishes, fervently, that if a higher being exists out there, to see him one more time. but maybe, everything in the universe aligns at once, because suddenly, there's the noise of tearing paper from behind him, and then there's — ]
Hijikata...
[ — looking far more disheveled than he'd thought, but he's still too exhausted and shocked to cry — either out of joy or relief — or to feel any kind of happiness, so for now, he stares at hijikata blankly, as if it would help him process the current situation any further. but there's not a single part of him that doubts that hijikata will win over the robot; because he's hijikata, and he doesn't lose.
but the sword... yes! the sword... that much, he understands. reaching forward, he'll pluck the wakizashi off of the ground, holding it out to hijikata with his uninjured arm. ]
[ When he finally feels the body start to lose strength, and almost go limp Hijikata knew it was the perfect moment to grab the sword.
he stands up, almost breathless, but he knew it'd be over with once he delivers this blow. he lifts the wakizashi up and brings it down with the rest of the strength he has left to decapitate the robot's head -- it worked.
it's ... silent. Hijikata can only breath, trying to calm down and catch his breath. he's tired, his legs are shaking from mere fatigue but he doesn't want to collapse just yet.
he looks over at Tsurumaru, taking a note of what injuries he had... ah man, he kind of feels bad? but he only whispers one thing to reassure him because he can see how... spooked Tsurumaru looks: ]
[ the scene that unfolds in front of him is surreal: after a swift maneuver from hijikata, there's the sound of a decapitated head toppling onto the floor, with black ink spraying everywhere — on the floorboards, on his white jacket, on every surface nearby.
while the bot (and therefore, the head) does look like hijikata, he has to remind himself that the actual hijikata is just fine and also right in front of him, so he tears his gaze away from the head and looks back up at him.
if he says that it's over, then... he'll relax just a little, since a little is all that he can manage, for now. ]
Can you — [ from his sitting position on the ground, he holds one hand up, extending it towards hijikata. obviously, he wants more than just his hand held; he wants his entire self held, but asking for that is awkward and embarrassing and it hurts to lift both arms, so he's kind of hoping hijikata can figure it out.
plus, even tsurumaru can tell that hijikata looks as if a simple breeze could knock him over, so he might as well not keep him standing for much longer. ]
[ it does look kind of gruesome, how Hijikata literally just killed someone that looked exactly like him. it... doesn't bother him that much, to be honest. it does feel kind of weird, but he wanted that copy gone and so he finally achieved that.
but right... he decides to join Tsurumaru, and finally collapse on his knees next to him. he can only let out a sigh, and rub the side of his head -- noticing how it's still bleeding. geez... he's going to get the biggest headache later and the cause of it for once won't be the lack of caffeine.
he reaches over and gently picks Tsurumaru's limp arm to inspect it more closely. his words come out quietly and soft. ]
It said some awful things, didn't it. [ he pushes back some of the sleeve to uncover the skin. ] I'm sorry. I should've tried to do something sooner -- we need to wrap this up as soon as possible.
[ he winces, but doesn't do anything other than that, allowing hijikata to carefully push his sleeve up, because he's also kind of curious... ]
I can just go in for repairs. [ as much as he doesn't want to, it'd be more efficient. but he's not going to the repair room this instant, so wrapping it up would be the right thing to do... but obviously, he's not the only one that's hurt — so he reaches to pat the side of hijikata's head with his sleeve as gently as he can. ]
You couldn't help it, though — you look worse than I do, and there's no such thing as a repair room for humans. [ if there was, wouldn't that be convenient!
but then, he lets out a quiet, awkward laugh that fails to hide any of his earlier nervousness. ]
If you hadn't shown up when you did, I think it would've... I would've... [ his laugh breaks off, and when he speaks again, his tone sounds far more hushed. ] You understand, don't you?
Edited (i didnt like the enters) 2016-04-23 09:14 (UTC)
[ Hijikata's train of thought is everyone else >>>> him. he's awfully tired, but he's more focused on wrapping Tsurumaru up and making sure he's okay... getting rid of that body... oh, right. he's injured, isn't he.
patted, Hijikata just flinches and shuts his eye -- his head does throb a bit... it still hurts. ]
I'm fine, the bleeding mostly stopped anyway. My drug box is in the bathroom... it has everything we need to wrap that up here - are you able to fetch it?
[ hopefully Tsurumaru has seen it before, with straps like a backpack and large enough to be on someones back just sitting in the bathroom. he would get it himself but... he doesn't want to admit that his legs just feel so tired right now.
but he does nod, of course he understands. ]
I shouldn't have made you experience something that frightening, but it'll be okay now. You can trust me on that at least, right?
[ well, the body's not going anywhere ( ha! ), so they can take their time wrapping injuries... but yes! he's seen the drug box before, enough times to where he can easily recognize it. so with a yeah, i'll go get it!, he steps out of the room and heads towards the bathroom, but as it's sitting in plain sight on the nearest bathroom shelf, it's not too hard to find.
it's also not the smallest box, so he tries to holds it against his chest with his hand on his way back. he almost drops it a few times, but it makes it there in one piece! ]
This is it, right? [ he sets it down on the floor space between them once he returns, resuming his sitting position. he'll wait for hijikata to open it, because it's mostly his drug box, and tsurumaru's never actually opened it himself... since usually, those medicines don't concern him.
so, while hijikata's digging through it for bandages and whatnot, he continues from earlier. ]
You haven't given me a reason to distrust you, so why would I? Plus, it wasn't really you who did any of that, so you have nothing to apologize for.
[ despite it looking the same, it's not hijikata himself. ] It did do a lot of the things that you like to do, though... which is why I was kind of convinced.
[ but it's so weird having a dead robot body in the room. . . . .
he only nods as he opens up the box and digs for bandages. ]
I see...
[ he still looks extremely apologetic despite being told he has nothing to apologize for... which is why he's probably being very quiet right now. first -- clean the wound! it might sting a bit. though, after that he's wrapping the bandage in silence, focusing on the arm verry intensely.
but he decides to speak up after the silence has gone on long enough. ]
. . . Did you actually mean what you said back there though?
[ it's not a shallow wound, by any means — so there's a long period where the antiseptic does sting unbearably, but tsurumaru manages to keep himself still, aside from quiet hisses when it hurts too much. the silence, which would have been stifling in any other instance, is something that he doesn't mind for now.
and he's watching the bandages slowly go over his arm, wrapped firmly over and over when hijikata speaks up again. it takes him a bit to understand what's meant by "what he said back there", but when he does realize....
. . .
. . . . . .
OH NO. . . . . . . . . .
there's this flash of pure horror (or is it embarrassment? or both!) across his face, and it's obvious that he knows exactly what hijikata is referencing. ]
[ almost done wrapping his arm up! but then he'll have to tackle that shoulder. he'll finish it off by tying the bandages in a little bow, making sure it's secure.
it looks like he's more focused on the arm than anything, but he nods. ]
I was sort of unconscious for awhile but I was pretty awake when I did... So yeah.
[ after hijikata's finished bandaging his arm, tsurumaru looks it over — it's wrapped firmly, enough so that he isn't just bleeding everywhere, but not tight enough to the point where it's uncomfortable. moving it immediately hurts a little, though.
there's a moment of hesitation as he glances away... and then looks back at hijikata, because he did sort of just save him and everything, so he deserves this. ]
Obviously. Do I look like the kind of person who says things that I don't mean?
[ yes..... yes he does, actually, but that's besides the point! back then, he meant every single word! ]
[ he'll answer that for you out loud Tsuru... and also he's going to start sliding off the layers of clothes off Tsurumaru's shoulder. he has to get that shoulder wound!
or well, he thought there was a wound there... it looked like it only pierced the fabric. ]
Are you hurt anywhere else?
[ he pauses, before sliding the the clothes back onto his shoulders. ] That's strange... I always made sure everyone looked at me with fear in their eyes and never came to talk to me unless they have a good reason. It's the kind of man I wanted to be though... but...
The captains did get close to me, so I think they noticed my loneliness. Did you too? I tried to be really awful to you hoping to strike the same fear, but you never ran off. Why are you so insistent?
[ ICE COLD...... but wow, hijikata, not right now!! what if the ghost of the dead robot is watching? but after a stare at his shoulder, the layers of clothes are pulled back up where they originally were, and ah... it wasn't going to be that, after all. ]
It just pushed me, that's all. But then, it stepped on me — right here. [ he puts his hand over his chest, where his heart is. ] It hurts to breathe, but I won't die.
[ he inhales again and winces, but tsukumogami don't exactly need to breathe in the way that people do, so he'll be fine. and when hijikata continues, he listens quietly, giving him his full attention, in the rare way that he does when he's being told something important by someone important. but there's a pause after he's finished, and he lifts his head, with a quiet smile. ]
You know... if that's what you think "awful" is, then you're a naive person. [ humans are capable of far crueler things — he knows this particularly well. ] If I told you that the people who know loneliness best are other lonely people, would you understand?
[ because it's lonely, not being allowed to love people — because it would spell out their deaths. so when someone comes along, telling him that it's okay and perfectly acceptable for him to be around them, it makes him happy enough to cry.
but then, of course, he spoils the mood. ] That, and you always sounded like you wanted to personally escort me to my death, so because of that, at first... I never wanted to leave you alone.
Well, be sure to drink some water. I can probably get you some medicine for it...
[ that should do it then? he actually... never wrapped his own head with bandage before. so for once he might do an awful job. but he'll just try his best and push back some bangs and begin wrapping the bandage around his head??? this is hard. ]
Nope. I'm a pretty awful person. [ he isn't going to believe otherwise, to be honest. ] but I did it for the sake of the troop. People like me should be left alone, though.
[ so Tsurumaru can call him kind all he wants... but he won't believe it. he doesn't know why he's saying all this but... it's just what he thinks really.
he sighs. ]
You're so weird. [ why must you walk into death so casually Tsuru... ] But... I really appreciate it.
[ he'll watch hijikata try to bandage his own head, and while he'd like to help... there's not much that he can do with one hand, so he settles for observing. and in the end, it doesn't look as bad as he thinks! ]
Doing something for the sake of other people already makes it better than doing something out of your own pathetic, human greed.
[ he might have sounded a bit bitter, but tsurumaru knows that hijikata is stubborn, so he gives up on trying to get him to accept it, even if it does kind of bother him a whole lot... because hijikata honestly isn't that cruel at all in his eyes, and he doesn't understand why he doesn't understand.
it must be an era standards thing, he thinks. the bakumatsu period apparently has weak standards for being awful people... torturing people is nothing! ]
I've been told that before. [ about being weird, he means, and he laughs softly. listen, his ultimate wish is to die... let him have his wish.
but while hijikata's being honest, tsurumaru's going to push his luck even further, leaning forward with a smirk. ] And do you appreciate me, too?
[ annnnd tying up the bandage! he's done! he tried his best getting it pretty snug, so hopefully that wound will close soon. ]
All we want to do is protect people.
[ maybe it's just because it's Hijikata's reputation he really won't believe it. being called the demon vice commander everyday, and with everything he does it makes people look at him terrified. of course, Hijikata isn't offended -- like he said before, he became the man he wanted to be, the opposite of Kondou-san.
but even then he had to accept some things that come with that reputation. like never being able to connect to people on a close level of friendship. he only connected with people as "demon vice commander" and subordinate. that's... just how it worked for him, and probably explains his loneliness.
though, there have been people that reached out to him... it does feel nice every once and awhile.
so, Tsurumaru is going to get a straightforward, flat answer. since it looks like this is a time to be honest - right after murder! ]
Of course.
[ he just stares. ] I don't say things just to say them, remember.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hijiwanwan) wrote2015-09-14 12:06 am
tbh i need jesus
I want you all to myself.
[ that voice is almost music to his ears -- he likes being called Hijikata, he's the better replacement obviously. that desperation in his voice is pleasant to his ears. of course, he wants him to talk more. it excites him. it's a delight to hear. ]
I want you... To love me. Hey, tell me that you love me.
we all need jesus but especially you
so he takes a deep breath, putting all of his effort into keeping his voice steady, since the last thing that he wants hijibot to pick up on is that he's still just as frightened; the first phrase — that he wants him all to himself — is one that frequently comes out of the mouths of collectors and thieves while staring at him, and it makes him remember things that he doesn't want to remember. ]
How can I love you, when I don't love you at all? [ although his voice does shake, just a bit — so there's a pause, before he continues more gently. ]
But I do love him. I love the Hijikata that gets angry at me for messing up, that yells at me for surprising him too many times, that constantly calls me a child and then goes ahead and tells me all of these dirty things, without any kind of shame, but then tries to deny it when I call him kind.
That annoying, bothersome, kind person is someone that I love, more than anyone else that currently exists in the entire world. And if he asks me to, I wouldn't even mind being owned by him for the rest of his life. [ which is mostly a reference to how he was constantly owned BUT, hijikata's filthy kink might take it another way...
but back to the situation at hand! his wistful expression quickly turns back into an angry glare, looking at hijibot with impatience. ]
Keeping me here like this isn't going to make me love you any more.
nvm i dont want jesus anymore
I see.
[ he retracts the blade, and takes a few steps back. ] So you'd rather have that guy, I'm clearly the better one. Are you stupid?
[ he scoffs. the irritation is blatantly obvious, but for some reason he does seem calmer when Tsurumaru got it through to him - or did he? he lowers his voice. ]
Then I might as well kill so he can't have you.
[ and without one second of hesitation he's already making his move and launching his attack! lifting and thrusting it forward at Tsurumaru's torso. ]
but what if jesus is fake... fake priest
he swiftly dodges to the side, although the blade will manage to slice through the side of his jacket (but, given how fluffy his jacket is, it practically functions as a pseudo-shield), and before hijikata has a chance to draw his blade back, tsurumaru will reach out to give him a swift kick —
— and manages to dislodge the unused blade from his hip, quickly grabbing kanesada and unsheathing it (it? him? sorry, kanesan) — of course, with kanesada being an uchigatana, there's a length shortage that he has to keep in mind.
blade pointed at hijikata, now — he lifts his chin, to make himself look even braver! because even if hijibot is just a bot, he probably knows all of hijikata's talent with a sword, to an extent. at least, far better than tsurumaru knows kanesada. so he's going to...... bluff? ]
If you know what's good for you, you won't take on the task of killing an unkillable sword.
FATHEr....
If you want to avoid death you should just let me have you.
[ a simple request! really! because he's 100% determine to kill Tsurumaru. ] Then I can go and kill the 'Hijikata' you love so much... Wouldn't you rather die together?
[ a scoff. he really isn't going to wait for Tsurumaru to answer, even if he magically felt like complying despite dodging the first strike. so Tsurumaru can bluff all he wants but Hijikata is going to close the distance between them with swift steps. using Horikawa means he does have to get closer to make cuts that matter, so... this might be dangerous.
but he'll aim higher with another thrust forward -- this time aiming for the arm or shoulder, to clearly disarm him. ]
pours holy water on him too
but making that decision on his own would be selfish — and with hijikata, he can't afford to be selfish. if he ever dies with hijikata, it's not going to be here, and it's not going to be today. although, tsurumaru snaps back from his deliberation a moment too late, and the blow ends up mostly connecting, effortlessly slicing through white fabric and grazing more of his upper arm than he'd expected.
it hurts — in a stinging way that's almost enough for him to let go, and he gasps; but in a last-ditch effort, he grips the handle of the sword with everything he has, trying to push back hijikata's blade with his own, the shrill sound of metal grating together filing the air. still, tsurumaru's hold isn't firm, and if hijibot pushes against his blade just a little more, the sword will certainly go clattering out of tsurumaru's hands with ease.
but, until then. ] I wouldn't mind dying with him — but humans all have a strong will to live.
Therefore, for his sake, I won't take you up on that.
no!
[ Hijikata will extend his leg swiftly to trip Tsurumaru while he pushes forward with his blade one last time. if Tsurumaru does fall forward, he'll make sure to keep him down by placing a foot on top of his chest.
his lips curl up into a smirk as he push down on it with as much force as he possibly can.
he tilts his head as the tip of the blade hovers over his skin, tracing the neck down to his chest - barely touching it with the metal. he hums, as if he's trying to make a decision. but instead he immediately sinks the blade into one of his forearms. ]
why is our do-m and do-s backwards like this
what remains of his seemingly confident composure falls apart right then, his breath coming quickly, shallowly; not that he can manage any more than that, actually, given the weight pushing down against his chest. and he follows the blade with his eyes, somehow trying to sink further against the floor, as if he can, despite hijikata's floors not being made out of soft carpet material — so ultimately, backing away is useless.
— along with anything else that he could have done to avoid that.
there's a gasp, as he turns his head, and even as he watches blood soak into the sleeve of his jacket, he doesn't understand; he finds that his heart hurts along with his arm, not just because it's just been pressed down on, and he doesn't understand.
it's not a fatal injury by any means, but it hurts just as much collectively.
he looks back up at him wordlessly, for a few seconds, and he seems far more shocked than angry — that this bot would do this, with hijikata's appearance; and then, he slowly lifts his free arm to try to push the blade back out. of course, he isn't strong enough to manage that with one hand; he's not a strong sword, by any means. ]
i ask ymself this everyday
there's this moment of silence before it's interrupted with a crashing noise. the paper door for the closet gets teared down! and yes, it's real Hijikata and it definitely looked like he had a rough time. it looks like he suffered quite the blow to the head because of the blood running down the side of it and he has bruises here and there. he has gashes here and there, but by all means they aren't as fatal. so by the guess of it they had quite the tussle before the robot managed to knock him down and take his swords.
but despite everything he's been through there's no way he'd just sit there and let the robot hurt Tsurumaru? but he definitely looks tired and almost out of breath.
while this is the best time to say something heroic, it's not like Hijikata is a hero or anything. he doesn't really hesitate to take off and tackle the robot to the ground! hopefully this surprises him enough to let go of Horikawa (because damn! how disrespectful is it to use his own damn sword to hurt people he never wants to hurt?).
immediately, his hands forcefully grab the robots neck -- applying as much pressure as he can to the jugular. the robot's breath hitches and naturally, he begins to struggle. his eyes flicker towards Tsurumaru, and Hijikata already barks out a command -- ]
Hand me that sword! I'm going to finally finish this.
[ he puts more pressure onto his grip of the neck... if he holds it log enough, he'll at least pass out in 30 seconds? ]
we Hecked up
it also scares him, not knowing where hijikata is, or whether he's okay or not; all he knows is that hijikata is alive somewhere, but that doesn't do anything to ease his worry. so in these next crucial moments, he gathers up all of the hope that he has and wishes, fervently, that if a higher being exists out there, to see him one more time. but maybe, everything in the universe aligns at once, because suddenly, there's the noise of tearing paper from behind him, and then there's — ]
Hijikata...
[ — looking far more disheveled than he'd thought, but he's still too exhausted and shocked to cry — either out of joy or relief — or to feel any kind of happiness, so for now, he stares at hijikata blankly, as if it would help him process the current situation any further. but there's not a single part of him that doubts that hijikata will win over the robot; because he's hijikata, and he doesn't lose.
but the sword... yes! the sword... that much, he understands. reaching forward, he'll pluck the wakizashi off of the ground, holding it out to hijikata with his uninjured arm. ]
im so fucked up
he stands up, almost breathless, but he knew it'd be over with once he delivers this blow. he lifts the wakizashi up and brings it down with the rest of the strength he has left to decapitate the robot's head -- it worked.
it's ... silent. Hijikata can only breath, trying to calm down and catch his breath. he's tired, his legs are shaking from mere fatigue but he doesn't want to collapse just yet.
he looks over at Tsurumaru, taking a note of what injuries he had... ah man, he kind of feels bad? but he only whispers one thing to reassure him because he can see how... spooked Tsurumaru looks: ]
It's over.
ugh so am i this was a Ride
while the bot (and therefore, the head) does look like hijikata, he has to remind himself that the actual hijikata is just fine and also right in front of him, so he tears his gaze away from the head and looks back up at him.
if he says that it's over, then... he'll relax just a little, since a little is all that he can manage, for now. ]
Can you — [ from his sitting position on the ground, he holds one hand up, extending it towards hijikata. obviously, he wants more than just his hand held; he wants his entire self held, but asking for that is awkward and embarrassing and it hurts to lift both arms, so he's kind of hoping hijikata can figure it out.
plus, even tsurumaru can tell that hijikata looks as if a simple breeze could knock him over, so he might as well not keep him standing for much longer. ]
— come here?
nap time
but right... he decides to join Tsurumaru, and finally collapse on his knees next to him. he can only let out a sigh, and rub the side of his head -- noticing how it's still bleeding. geez... he's going to get the biggest headache later and the cause of it for once won't be the lack of caffeine.
he reaches over and gently picks Tsurumaru's limp arm to inspect it more closely. his words come out quietly and soft. ]
It said some awful things, didn't it. [ he pushes back some of the sleeve to uncover the skin. ] I'm sorry. I should've tried to do something sooner -- we need to wrap this up as soon as possible.
it's time to lay down and not wake up forever
I can just go in for repairs. [ as much as he doesn't want to, it'd be more efficient. but he's not going to the repair room this instant, so wrapping it up would be the right thing to do... but obviously, he's not the only one that's hurt — so he reaches to pat the side of hijikata's head with his sleeve as gently as he can. ]
You couldn't help it, though — you look worse than I do, and there's no such thing as a repair room for humans. [ if there was, wouldn't that be convenient!
but then, he lets out a quiet, awkward laugh that fails to hide any of his earlier nervousness. ]
If you hadn't shown up when you did, I think it would've... I would've... [ his laugh breaks off, and when he speaks again, his tone sounds far more hushed. ] You understand, don't you?
wtf stop that
patted, Hijikata just flinches and shuts his eye -- his head does throb a bit... it still hurts. ]
I'm fine, the bleeding mostly stopped anyway. My drug box is in the bathroom... it has everything we need to wrap that up here - are you able to fetch it?
[ hopefully Tsurumaru has seen it before, with straps like a backpack and large enough to be on someones back just sitting in the bathroom. he would get it himself but... he doesn't want to admit that his legs just feel so tired right now.
but he does nod, of course he understands. ]
I shouldn't have made you experience something that frightening, but it'll be okay now. You can trust me on that at least, right?
why don't you believe in the eternal nap
it's also not the smallest box, so he tries to holds it against his chest with his hand on his way back. he almost drops it a few times, but it makes it there in one piece! ]
This is it, right? [ he sets it down on the floor space between them once he returns, resuming his sitting position. he'll wait for hijikata to open it, because it's mostly his drug box, and tsurumaru's never actually opened it himself... since usually, those medicines don't concern him.
so, while hijikata's digging through it for bandages and whatnot, he continues from earlier. ]
You haven't given me a reason to distrust you, so why would I? Plus, it wasn't really you who did any of that, so you have nothing to apologize for.
[ despite it looking the same, it's not hijikata himself. ] It did do a lot of the things that you like to do, though... which is why I was kind of convinced.
no!!! nap!!!
he only nods as he opens up the box and digs for bandages. ]
I see...
[ he still looks extremely apologetic despite being told he has nothing to apologize for... which is why he's probably being very quiet right now. first -- clean the wound! it might sting a bit. though, after that he's wrapping the bandage in silence, focusing on the arm verry intensely.
but he decides to speak up after the silence has gone on long enough. ]
. . . Did you actually mean what you said back there though?
why!! not!!!!
and he's watching the bandages slowly go over his arm, wrapped firmly over and over when hijikata speaks up again. it takes him a bit to understand what's meant by "what he said back there", but when he does realize....
. . .
. . . . . .
OH NO. . . . . . . . . .
there's this flash of pure horror (or is it embarrassment? or both!) across his face, and it's obvious that he knows exactly what hijikata is referencing. ]
You heard that?
NO NAPS!
it looks like he's more focused on the arm than anything, but he nods. ]
I was sort of unconscious for awhile but I was pretty awake when I did... So yeah.
[ so he finally looks up -- ] So, did you?
AAAAA WHY CANT WE NAP
there's a moment of hesitation as he glances away... and then looks back at hijikata, because he did sort of just save him and everything, so he deserves this. ]
Obviously. Do I look like the kind of person who says things that I don't mean?
[ yes..... yes he does, actually, but that's besides the point! back then, he meant every single word! ]
not allowed :/
[ he'll answer that for you out loud Tsuru... and also he's going to start sliding off the layers of clothes off Tsurumaru's shoulder. he has to get that shoulder wound!
or well, he thought there was a wound there... it looked like it only pierced the fabric. ]
Are you hurt anywhere else?
[ he pauses, before sliding the the clothes back onto his shoulders. ] That's strange... I always made sure everyone looked at me with fear in their eyes and never came to talk to me unless they have a good reason. It's the kind of man I wanted to be though... but...
The captains did get close to me, so I think they noticed my loneliness. Did you too? I tried to be really awful to you hoping to strike the same fear, but you never ran off. Why are you so insistent?
but we can take the eternal nap together :(
It just pushed me, that's all. But then, it stepped on me — right here. [ he puts his hand over his chest, where his heart is. ] It hurts to breathe, but I won't die.
[ he inhales again and winces, but tsukumogami don't exactly need to breathe in the way that people do, so he'll be fine. and when hijikata continues, he listens quietly, giving him his full attention, in the rare way that he does when he's being told something important by someone important. but there's a pause after he's finished, and he lifts his head, with a quiet smile. ]
You know... if that's what you think "awful" is, then you're a naive person. [ humans are capable of far crueler things — he knows this particularly well. ] If I told you that the people who know loneliness best are other lonely people, would you understand?
[ because it's lonely, not being allowed to love people — because it would spell out their deaths. so when someone comes along, telling him that it's okay and perfectly acceptable for him to be around them, it makes him happy enough to cry.
but then, of course, he spoils the mood. ] That, and you always sounded like you wanted to personally escort me to my death, so because of that, at first... I never wanted to leave you alone.
i watn to live???
[ that should do it then? he actually... never wrapped his own head with bandage before. so for once he might do an awful job. but he'll just try his best and push back some bangs and begin wrapping the bandage around his head??? this is hard. ]
Nope. I'm a pretty awful person. [ he isn't going to believe otherwise, to be honest. ] but I did it for the sake of the troop. People like me should be left alone, though.
[ so Tsurumaru can call him kind all he wants... but he won't believe it. he doesn't know why he's saying all this but... it's just what he thinks really.
he sighs. ]
You're so weird. [ why must you walk into death so casually Tsuru... ] But... I really appreciate it.
but why do you want to live
Doing something for the sake of other people already makes it better than doing something out of your own pathetic, human greed.
[ he might have sounded a bit bitter, but tsurumaru knows that hijikata is stubborn, so he gives up on trying to get him to accept it, even if it does kind of bother him a whole lot... because hijikata honestly isn't that cruel at all in his eyes, and he doesn't understand why he doesn't understand.
it must be an era standards thing, he thinks. the bakumatsu period apparently has weak standards for being awful people... torturing people is nothing! ]
I've been told that before. [ about being weird, he means, and he laughs softly. listen, his ultimate wish is to die... let him have his wish.
but while hijikata's being honest, tsurumaru's going to push his luck even further, leaning forward with a smirk. ] And do you appreciate me, too?
[history of japan voice] can you maybe chill?
All we want to do is protect people.
[ maybe it's just because it's Hijikata's reputation he really won't believe it. being called the demon vice commander everyday, and with everything he does it makes people look at him terrified. of course, Hijikata isn't offended -- like he said before, he became the man he wanted to be, the opposite of Kondou-san.
but even then he had to accept some things that come with that reputation. like never being able to connect to people on a close level of friendship. he only connected with people as "demon vice commander" and subordinate. that's... just how it worked for him, and probably explains his loneliness.
though, there have been people that reached out to him... it does feel nice every once and awhile.
so, Tsurumaru is going to get a straightforward, flat answer. since it looks like this is a time to be honest - right after murder! ]
Of course.
[ he just stares. ] I don't say things just to say them, remember.
stop i dont believe in chill
sticks in fridge
no it's cold ;__;
closes fridge door
fridges only open from the outside why are you cruel???